Okay y'all first off, I just wanted to say that I am tremendously sorry for not having a chapter posted like I promised, but I had something come up. And it comes with a story.
So, about almost two years ago, this shy insecure girl developed a crush with a cute guy in school. It was her last year of high school, and she had no interests at the time, yet suddenly, she becomes enamored with the boy who possessed magical fingers. They met in her piano class. He wasn't in that period, but he would sneak away from his last class to play the piano. She was already captivated by his looks, but to find out that he played the piano and basketball just put the icing on the cake. The crush was nothing major, just the regular, "Oh, he's so fine. He can play for me any day," type of crush. Them a couple of weeks later into the year, he would start to look at her, and she noticed. It was the back and forth he looked at her, she looked at him yet neither of them said anything to one another.
More instances started happening, from him accidentally listening to her play and complimenting her even though she wasn't that good, or coming into class and immediately looking over at her as he sat down. Getting caught staring by one of her friends. Then there would be the days when he was injured and came to class in his wheel chair. That beautiful day where he walked around the classroom with his boot on and walked behind her as she sat down at her piano, barely touching her, but looking her straight in the eye to apologize, and still staring as she talked to her friend about the temporary "handicapness". She tells him once he passes by her once more that he shouldn't be walking on it so much before he gets hurt and he responds with, "I probably will," and continues to stare at her while in the back of the class.
Or the time where he had replaced his wheelchair with crutches and after she got done talking with her friend, she walks to her next class, but sees him rounding the corner. She walks faster to avoid him but he's the clacking of his crutches coming closer and closer until the two walks next to each other for a few seconds before she turned another corner and slightly looking back to see him still looking at her.
Months go by and finally it's the time of people cordially asking each other out to prom. Of course, she wasn't going. People could probably tell from the way she dressed and kept to herself that she wasn't going to go. So, one day she sees him, flirting with the girl lacking melanin that only goes for black boys at the school. She knew in the back of her mind that it was something, but she deemed it nothing until the next day, she saw her sitting on his lap. By then she knew, it was time to let the crush go. He didn't like her. However, that same day where the "loving" couple came snuggling all into class his eyes still roamed to her. He still came to unnecessarily stand by her when talking to his friends, an arms width apart. And then came the rally for juniors and seniors on how to drive responsibly. She sat with her sister and friends before they even got there, but then the two shows up still hugging and he guides them to where we were sitting, out of all the places. And when cuddling his now girlfriend, his hand grazes her leg as he stretches. They lock eyes again, but she knew it meant nothing.
Then comes the end of the year. Seniors are overwhelmed with joy and sadness. We have our last rally, she's having a good time until her sister says he has been looking at her... Once again. That same day the seniors have their Senior Sunset. She shows up and soon finds him playing with other guys. She sits on the turf of the football field with her sister and a friend and watch an awesome kickball game where her now shirtless crush kicked the ball so far, he had a home run. Once he finished the lap his eyes bored right into hers for a long while before she tore their gaze, because she knew he was still taken with the girl who he talked to for prom.
That was supposed to be the last instance.
She finally rid herself of her crush over the summer and in her first weeks of college. Things were looking good. Until, she goes to the high school homecoming game with her sister and another close friend who was still attending that school. One of the first people she saw was of course, the now single crush. He sat at a booth with his friends, and at first, he didn't look at her. It hurt a bit but it was to be expected. Well come later in the game, as she's walking the staring commences once again, and all the resolve she has built over the months crumbles and fades away into the cool night air. Later in the night, her friend is upset about a long-distance relationship, and her sister comes over to say that she seen her crush walking around all sad like a lost puppy. And sure, enough she spotted the crush walking around all sullen and upset. Her sister says she tried to see what was wrong but he brushed her away and didn't say anything.
A couple minutes later, she sees him sitting on a small staircase and gets a small pep talk from her sister and friend to finally go talk to him. Her heart races. Her palms sweat. She thinks of anyway to get out of the situation but her legs ordered her way to him and soon she found herself sitting beside him, asking him what was wrong. All he says is that he didn't want to talk about it and in a calm voice, he asks if she leave. She tries and tries and tries, but he's clearly upset and a person he rarely spoke to was not going to help. Surprised at how calm he was, she finally agrees to leave. Minutes after meeting back up with her friends, she sees him leaving the game, his best-friend trying to ask what's wrong but he brushes him off just as he had done her sister and leaves the game.
Out of all the people, she was the only one he didn't brush off. And another thing that surprised her was how cool and calm he seemed even though he was clearly upset. Especially given that before and after that situation, her friends who knew him have warned her that he tended to have a very bad aggressive side to him. None of the times he looked at her, or talked to her did she see the aggressive boy that they spoke about. But after that night, she hadn't seen him again. She finally got back on her path of purging herself of him for the last time. Sure, it took some months, but he was fading. Fading like a beautiful memory that took its last stroll around the brain.
Ninety percent of him vanished, until the beginning of this month, when her sister says that she saw the crush working at the Safeway behind the school. She said he looked at her, not with a weird face but just looked at her. She assumed it would be a weird look, because the girl passed her boundaries and tried talking to him on his social media accounts the same week of the football to see if he was okay. But he didn't respond to any of them. So, now with the knowledge of where he works and wanting to seek closure of if he had any feelings for her, she goes on Friday to see if he's there, but no crush. Using her last try she tries again that Sunday, and at first her eyes played tricks on her and she thought she saw him. But when she looked up once more, it turned out to be someone else.
So now, all the feeling that were almost buried have been resurfaced. Every emotion that she felt around him or seeing him in high school came back like it never left. She feels stupid because she knows he would never like a fat, insecure, shy girl like herself but all she can think about is finding out if he had feelings for her.
As the fat, insecure, shy girl I'm coming to you guys not as a writer, but as a friend searching for advice. What do you think about my situation, and if you were in this position, what would you do?
I love you guys
P.S. - There were tons more instances, but I just chose the ones that stuck out the most over these 22 months of liking him.
