Firstly, I'm not your enemy. I barely read your stories and I never like your posts. We never talk. To think that I jizz at the thought of you isolating yourself or cutting yourself is a little far out there, don't you think?
I asked you point blank what you wanted, and you refused to answer. I was willing to help you in any way and you refused to toss me a bone.
Speaking of dog metaphors, I never saw you as a dog. I never ordered you around. And I know you're a furry, but that's just not my thing.
How come I'm a dumbass for blocking you? Do we ever talk? No. Were you gonna keep talking to me? No.
It doesn't matter if Maxie didn't date me before. It doesn't, I was still in her life in an intimate way, regardless of the title. She was hurt and she didn't make a public scene about it, the type of scene I thought you'd stop making.
But didn't I say to express your emotions?? Isn't this hypocritical and backwards??
You refused to let me help and you've been doing the same shit you've always done. You hint at shit and yoink it away when people get too close.
You said you only stuck around to "fix me" and "make me a better person". Yeah, well I never asked you to be my martyr. Do you honestly think I'd want you, or anyone for that matter, to force themselves to stay with me out of the kindness of their heart? Oh wait- you do. Cause you think the thought of you being hurt gives me a red rocket.
When we started dating, the first thing I ever told you was not to stick around if you didn't want to. I swear to fucking Christ that was the very first thing I told you. I am not your charity case.
So, what do you want, Leah? To date me? To marry me? To have children with me?
Why?
If you think I have you chase your tail around like a dog, if you think I want you to suffer, if me being affectionate with people makes you uncomfortable, if the only reason you stuck around was to "fix me"- Why am I so appealing to you?
I don't care if you "dislike me a tiny bit", I'm so fucking disappointed in you. And you know what? Who cares? I'm a sixteen year old on the Internet, millions of miles away from you. You actually have friends and you're going to be just fine. You, apparently, have no reason not to be.
I'm an idiot, yeah. I'm self aware of that. I'm aware that I make mistakes even though I think theyre the right call at the time. Again, I'm not your enemy. I'm not hiding in your closet hoping you kill yourself- oh wait- cut yourself, because you think that's any better to tell a friend. I'm at home, wondering if I should go back to my natural hair color and work out.
So, just to go over everything;
Why am I a dumbass for blocking you? Are we going to actually talk? Cause that's the only reason why I'd need to, but you could always do that on the Phone.
Why do you want to be with me so badly? Need someone to fill your time with? Someone who you never hold a conversation with anymore? Someone who "treats you like a dog"? Someone who's lurking in the shadows, telling you to cut yourself, and is definitely not actually just at home?
^ and with that, you have no reason to be upset, let alone "grieve over". Maxie didn't do you dirty. I didn't intentionally bring up the fact we're dating, I was asked a question and I answered without thinking. I've become Self Aware of the aftermath, even though there is no reason for it.
