The Nobodies

Prologue: The Past

 I pace around the waiting room, my mind full of horrid thoughts. Could this all be my fault? Will he still love me? What if he doesn't even make it? My mind begins to fill with these types of questions. It all became too much for me to handle, I began to panic. I sprint out of the almost empty room and force myself out of the exit door. I breathe heavily as I run through the hospital parking lot, searching for my car.

Once I spot it I use my keys to unlock it from afar, I run over to it and throw the passenger door open. I crawl in and fumble with the handle of the glove box, finally I manage to open it with my shaky hands. I quickly pull out a box of cigarettes and slam the glove box door shut. I take out a cigarette with shaky hands and gently press it in between my lips as I light it. I close my eyes as I take a long drag before exhaling the smoke with a sigh. I know I shouldn't rely on cigarettes so much, but at this point, it's that or alcohol and I really don't feel like becoming my mother. I don't want to be an alcoholic, for the sake of my daughter.

I finish up my cigarette and put it out on the pavement before stepping out of the car. I close my car door and lock it, theft is a common thing around here and I already don't have much. My fingers run through my hair as I lean against my car. I'm not quite ready to enter that hospital again, but I know I have to for his sake. He means too much to me for me to just leave him like this, what kind of friend would I be then?

Five minutes pass before I finally build up the courage to go back in the hospital, I need to be strong for his sake and mine. This seems to have all happened too quickly, he's too young to die, and he can't go out like this. I take a deep breath and walk through the parking lot towards the hospital entrance door. The automatic sliding glass doors open as I get closer, I walk in and take a seat. The seat is a metal one with plastic cushions that are cold to the touch, I lean my head back on the wall and close my eyes as I twiddle my thumbs. The room is cold and quiet, still, not many people are in the room with me which was nice. It's not that I don't like people, it's just that I'm not very good at interacting with them. It's like I'm a different species or something, but it's nice to be different sometimes. It makes me... unique. Besides, being normal is boring, why fit in when you can stick out, right?

I let out a shaky breath with the thoughts of my injured friend still lingering in my head. The pain was almost unbearable, almost. I know I can handle this, I just don't want to. I don't want any of this to be real, I want it to all be in my head or a dream, but I know that it's not. The hardest part is knowing that if he doesn't make I'll have to let go, and it's so hard to let go of someone, especially someone that you care so much about. I want to break down and scream at the top of my lungs, but I can't, I need to be strong like I always have. My job is to be strong for others who can't be, to protect people who can't protect themselves, like my daughter. One day I know she'll be a strong beautiful woman, but that won't be for a very long time.

It feels like centuries that I've been in this room, waiting for the slightest chance that I might get to see my friend, maybe even for the last time. If this is my last chance to see him, then I have to stay, I won't let him die alone. He doesn't deserve that, he has been such a wonderful person his whole life and has done nothing but good. A person like that should die surrounded by the people they love, who love them back, and that's why I need to stay here. My pain and suffering are all worth it if I can just see him one more time, see his smile one last time, hear him breathing one last time. That's all I want. He shouldn't go out like this but if he does, he deserves at least one person who loves him by his side.I'll wait here forever if I have to, as long as I get to see him one last time.

"I remember that day so clearly," I say looking up at Benjamin. "He was perfect....and we lost him... I miss the kid so much, he was so pure," I say, holding back tears. I had to be strong, it was my job. If you're going to lead a gang you need to be strong, especially here in L.A. I do miss New York, but this is my life now. One of pain and worry, I have to kill others to stay on top, but also care for my baby girl. It's all so much, but I wouldn't think about changing it. There's no point in giving myself false hope. "You've made it pretty far from that day, loss hurts; But it's something everyone has to deal with. You're strong," He says in his British accent, reassuring me.