Memories Of Us (Karma x Okuda Fanfiction)

Chapter Eleven

Okuda's Point of View

I jumped even though the knock had been so quiet. I could feel myself shaking. I wasn't going to get up to answer the door. One of them would, right? My date wasn't already here, was he? That was quick. Too quick. I'm not ready. Why did they do this? I'm not ready. I can't breathe or think clearly. I'm having a panic attack. I'm not ready.

I barely hear Nakamura say she'll get the door. I hear them talking and laughing, greetings each other like old friends. Then I have this thought that almost fixes everything. It's Karma. It has to be. They all know how I feel about him. He even knows how I feel about him. It has to be him. Old friends. That all makes sense.

I didn't even bother asking who it was. It could be no one else. Somehow they got Karma to go on a date with me! And he agreed! As I rushed to the door I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

"Thanks!" I told Nakamura when I got to the door, a wide grin on my face. She seemed surprised to see me suddenly so cheerful about this, but didn't question it.

"Here she is." Nakamura announced to Karma. As she moved away from the door she seemed to want say something to me, looking almost regretful. She didn't say anything else though as she gestured for me to move in front of the door, where she'd just been.

"Wait!" Hara yelled, rushing up to me. "You almost forgot your bag!" She hands it to me. I put it over my shoulder before turning around to face Karma.

"Have fun!" Hazama yelled from the back.

But I was no longer listening because it wasn't Karma at the door. It was Gakushū Asano.

"Uh...uh...um..I-" I was surprised. I didn't want to go on a date with him. I wanted to run back inside and hide. I didn't like him. This was wasting both of our times. I love Karma, not this guy. I was about to turn around and go inside and slam the door in his face, but Hara gave me a small push out. Then she closed the door behind me and I could hear it lock.

Asano smiled at me. "Let's go," he said, taking my hand before I could protest. He guided me down the stairs and outside of the building and into his car. I just let him, feeling numb and disappointed.

The ride in the car was silent. I didn't mind it and he didn't seem to mind it either. He drove until we reached a restaurant and then he parked. He didn't get out of the car, though, so I didn't either. He took a quick look at me and I pretended not to notice. Then he started driving again. This time for much longer. I was confused on why we didn't just go in the restaurant when that seemed to be where he was originally taking me. I didn't ask, though. He pulled into another parking lot. I lost track of where we were going, though. When he was finished parking, unlike last time, he actually opened the car door.

"Come on." He told me after a minute when I hadn't gotten out of the car yet.

"Oh, um, right. Sorry." I said quietly as I got out of the car.

He started walking and so I followed, trying my best to keep up. After we walked out of the parking lot and down a short hill, I realized we were at the beach.

Was he trying to be romantic? I wondered frantically. No, no, no, no. This can't be happening. He was Karma's rival. And sortaish his friend? Plus, he's not Karma! I don't have feelings for him! I don't like this. The girls must have some reasoning for this set up, right?

Suddenly I accidentally bumped into him from being too lost in my thoughts.  I took a quick step back.

"Sorry Asano!" I said, way too loudly. I took a glance around and saw that the beach was empty besides us two. When I turned back to face him he was much closer than he had been a moment before.

"It's okay, Manami." He closed the gap between us, so quickly he moved that I couldn't move away in time. He placed one of his legs behind one of mine, as if to make sure I couldn't move. My body froze in fear.

He leaned in closer to me and moved to whisper in my ear. "I know you love Karma, but he'll never love you back. He'll never allow himself to love you. You're part of his painful past, and he fights every day to forget that. He doesn't want to remember any of that. Don't you understand? Why do you think he tries not to talk to any of you? Why do you think he never showed up for any of the reunions that had occurred before? Why do you think he's planning on leaving his college just to escape the few members that attend? Why do you think he  keeps thinking about moving states, or heck has he told you how many times he's thought about going to another country?"   His breath chilled my neck as he spoke each word so slowly. All I did was listen. "He keeps studying and studying trying to forget but he can't. He wants to so bad and he can't. So he studies and he studies and he studies. He doesn't know who he wants to be. He knows he doesn't want to live a life remembering. That's it. It hurts. You know, you remember, too. Can you imagine how much it hurts him?  He wants to fucking leave every single one of his friends, his family behind, just to forget. He'll never be able to fully love you and it hurts him because at one point he could've loved you. He would of wanted to love you. But not now. Not ever again."

"He told you all that, did he?"

Asano gave a small sigh. "He did. I wish I could say he didn't because we were rivals, because we made everything a competition. I never in a million years thought he'd tell me of all people his feelings, but he did."

"But I could've understood. We could've understood." Her voice broke, a small sob escaping her.

"Maybe he needed someone who didn't understand." He sounded like he was about to cry, too.

I wanted to not believe him. I wanted to be able to tell that he was lying. I wanted to tell him he was wrong. But I couldn't. I had been in the stage of wanting to forget but I moved on from it as time went forward. If Karma was still in that stage, in that process, I couldn't fix it. And yet it gave me a strange desire to talk to him, much stronger than before.

Asano had started talking again so I tuned it to listen. "But you could find love with someone else. Someone who can love you back fully. Someone who can give you their all. You can fall in love with someone else and you can find your spark, your magic." He was saying, his fingertips were dancing on my leg and he didn't seem to either notice or care. I couldn't stop my eyes from trailing down to them. "I know that it'll take time since you still love Karma and you've devoted your life to loving Karma because you've probably thought that he was your one,  your only one, but I-" He stopped himself from continuing speaking and followed my eyes to his fingers on my leg. "Er, sorry. I didn't notice for real. A nervous tick to move my hands. I'm really sorry. That must have been awkward. I should've realized and stopped. I really am so very sor-" I kissed him.

Author's Note: Maybe I'm actually a Okuda/Asano shipper and I just got a bunch of Karma/Okuda shippers to read this book just so I can anger them. And I'll never tell you the truth, I'll just keep updating and making more shippers angry ;)