The Wife's Letter

CHAPTER 1

In her letter written to her husband Mrinal reminisces that she was married off at the tender age of twelve. Her mother-in-law had chosen her for her good looks, which was distinctly lacking in the eldest daughter -in -law of the family. So, Mrinal's marital journey began at an age when she could hardly know what marriage meant. For her, marriage was a journey from the security of her parental home and all her familiar world, to an unknown household. In Mrinal's letter to her husband there is a trenchant comment on the process of selecting a suitable bride by the groom's party: '...the groom's family had come to see the prospective bride, and whatever assessment or value judgement they made was the girl's price. However beautiful or talented a girl might be, she needs must always be apologetic about her self and her worth...' [Tagore, p. 637. My translation.] After Mrinal's arrival at her in-law's place in Kolkata, she was subjected to a keen scrutiny by the women of her household who in the end had to grudgingly admit that she was indeed pretty. However, in her letter Mrinal wondered why God had endowed her with such good looks and intellect, for in the orthodox family of religious bigots into which she was married, such qualities in a woman were not appreciated. One is reminded here of Vrinda Nabar's comment in her book 'Caste As Woman' '...the body has ceased to be an object of celebration among Indian Women. It is a liability, something which has to be concealed...' (Nabar, p. 37.). Nabar also writes that: 'The innumerable emphases on a woman's honour as well as the methods and strictures laid down to preserve it mean that as a girl grows up, the burden of shame that accompanies femaleness makes it difficult for her to regard her body as something to be proud of. We have a traditional horror against the concept of the body as worthy of admiration'. (Nabar, p. 87) Mrinal wrote in her letter that her husband soon forgot that she was pretty and proceeded to neglect her. However, the unpalatable fact that she was intelligent was something that her husband and his family were constantly reminded of. Mrinal commented in her letter that her innate intelligence had survived the thraldom of fifteen long and laborious years of married life, not conducive to emotional or mental growth. She remembered that her mother used to be very worried of Mrinal's intelligence, for in the conservative Bengali middle-class milieu, intelligence and a capacity for independent thinking in a woman were flaws and not virtues .A woman was expected to comply and bow down in front of many restrictions and was bound to meet with opposition and obstacles if she tried to use her powers of reasoning and question the correctness and validity of existing rules and strictures. So, Mrinal had to face the flak in daring to question and go against existing norms and was severely criticized for her precocity. In her book Nabar examines some of the constraints implicit in being born a girl: '...The girl-child moves on to her next pre-ordained role and becomes a wife. In doing so, she loses her identity and takes on her husband's ......' (Nabar, p. 43) '...Brhaspati's definition of the devoted wife, the 'Pativrata' is as follows: 'She is someone, whose state of mind reflects that of her husband.....'(Smith and Doniger, p. 567) A total emotive and spiritual immersion in the husband's being is implied in such a statement. There is something in it which is very endemic to our worldview of the self effacing role of the 'ardhangini'; a woman who has merged her identity with her husband's (ardha-half; anga-body, being). One may also mention in this context that the colonial construction of the ideal wife was tied to the old patriarchal figure of the Goddess Lakshmi in Puranic Hinduism) - a model wife embodying devotion, fidelity and submission to her consort, Lord Narayana and living in complete harmony with Him. This puranic figure was transformed to the image of the 'Griha Lakshmi' in the secular domain. It would be interesting to note here that 19th century Bengal saw the emergence of a large body of conduct literature for women which gave the ideological construction of the ideal wife a strong footing. These conduct books extolled shamefacedness, timidity, meekness, self-sacrifice, benevolence, piety, purity and spirituality as essential feminine virtues. God had assigned duties of subservience and devotion to women and those who fell in line were 'good' women. The value judgement attached to this statement was clearly a warning to would be transgressors; they were by implication not 'good' women. In that case, the permission was granted to husbands to beat wayward wives.