been you | mt+ijb ✓

11

Jaebum's never thought about it, but in all the years that he's known Mark, they've never fought.

There's a first for everything, though, and in retrospect, Jaebum should've seen it coming.

The first fight that they have in all of their nearly fifteen years of friendship happens a few weeks before school lets out. Jaebum's up reading a novel he's borrowed from Jinyoung – they have surprisingly similar taste in literature – late at night when Mark staggers tiredly into their dorm room, arms full of books.

"Where have you been?" Jaebum asks, sitting up straighter in his bed.

"At the library," Mark says. He dumps his books on his desk, arranging them until they're in a neat stack. Jaebum is incredulous.

"At half past eleven?"

"I fell asleep while I was studying." Mark sounds embarrassed. "It's not a big deal."

"You need to stop overworking yourself," Jaebum sighs. "This is getting out of hand."

"It's not that bad. I'm fine."

Maybe it's the fact that all of his concern and worry has accumulated over the course of the school year; maybe it's the stress of upcoming finals getting to his head. Jaebum doesn't know why, but suddenly, he's angry.

"No, you're not," he snaps. Mark looks up, surprised at his outburst. "You've been working way too hard and not eating enough and hardly sleeping – "

"That's not true," Mark protests. "I'm taking care of myself just fine, Jaebum."

Jaebum scoffs. "I'm your dormmate – I'm your best friend! You think I haven't noticed that you're losing weight? You think I don't see your eye bags – for fuck's sake, they could be designer! I wouldn't know the difference!"

"Well, I – " Mark starts before backtracking. "Finals are soon and I need to – "

"Finals don't come before your fucking health, Mark!"

"I'm not – "

"Yes, you are! You're skipping meals, staying up late, constantly at the library – you think I don't notice all that? You think we all don't?"

"What are you talking about?" Mark asks, exasperated.

It's like a dam is burst then; everything Jaebum has been holding back suddenly comes rushing forward and he's powerless to stop it.

"Yugyeomie and Bambam haven't seen you in months," he says, tripping over the words as his throat clogs. Mark immediately dons a guilty expression as realization washes over him. "They call me all the time asking if they can talk to you, but you're never around. Whenever Youngjae or Jinyoung ask if we can all meet up again, I always have to – have to tell them that you're at the library and that the five of them are going to have to sort it out themselves, because you know what I'm like when I'm with friends and you're not there."

"I – I know, I'm sorry," Mark is apologizing, his voice unsteady, but Jaebum isn't done.

"Jackson was upset the other day," he goes on, harsh, "because of some fight he and Jinyoung had. He called you but you didn't pick up, so he called me and asked where you were. You know what I had to tell him?"

Mark bites his quivering lip. He's looking very pointedly away from Jaebum, and it gives the younger a sick sort of satisfaction in knowing that the argument is already won.

"I had to tell him you were at the library," he says, "again."

He doesn't say anything more, but Mark's blinking rapidly, evidently trying to hold tears back. A few escape anyway, and the smugness in Jackson's chest dissolves, only to be replaced with guilt. The thought hits him like a brick that Mark is only trying to do well in school and probably doesn't even realize he's neglecting his friends while he's working at it.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Jaebum hears himself say. "I didn't – I didn't mean – "

He reaches out, only for Mark to flinch back, and he's forcefully reminded of Yugyeom's reaction when Bambam had said things he hadn't meant. He wonders if Bambam had felt this way.

"No, it's – it's my fault," Mark says. "I didn't mean to shut all of you out – I was trying to do my best, and I thought I was doing the right thing, staying away – "

"Why?" Jaebum demands, not even caring when his voice cracks.

"I'm not really ideal company, you know," Mark says quietly. Another tear runs down his cheek. "I – I thought it'd be better if I stopped bothering you guys until I – "

"You idiot," Jaebum interrupts, grabbing his best friend and pulling him into a tight hold that they both need. "We fucking love you."

Mark chokes on his own tears; Jaebum is startled to find that he's crying too. It's the first time Mark's ever seen him cry, and immediately the other boy's fingers are frantically wiping at his cheeks and rubbing his back.

"I know," Mark says, hiccuping. "I just forget sometimes."

Some best friend you are, the tiny voice in Jaebum's head sneers at him.

"I'm sorry," Mark goes on, "for worrying you. I didn't realize – "

"It's okay," Jaebum says, although some part of him loudly protests that it's not. He hiccups. "Just – just take care of yourself from now on," he adds feebly.

"Okay," Mark agrees, and then they're both crying and clutching each other, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Jaebum hiccups and hides his face in Mark's shoulder, and Mark's fingers are trembling as they stroke his hair.

(It's Mark who first succumbs to sleep, body slumping over and droopy eyes shutting. Jaebum carefully lays him on the bed and curls up next to him, throwing an arm around his waist.

He's missed this.)