been you | mt+ijb ✓

13

Jaebum makes sure to keep an extra careful eye on Mark after he's released from the hospital. Mark doesn't complain or question it; he seems to know what Jaebum's thinking.

"Jaebummie?" he says one day when Jaebum's forcing him to stay home and relax. They're sprawled over Jaebum's bed, basking in each other's presence. "Can I ask you something?"

Jaebum hums, lazily throwing an arm across Mark's waist. "Sure."

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

Jaebum grins. "I asked if you couldn't talk."

"You did," Mark laughs. "I'd almost forgotten." He's quiet for a minute before he goes on, "You know what I can't forget, though?"

"What?"

"When you asked me how old I was, and I didn't know how to respond, and you didn't care."

Jaebum remembers that. He remembers how Mark had had to hold up his fingers as an answer, and he remembers his own nonchalant response. It hadn't seemed like a big deal at the time, but apparently it was to Mark. He melts at the thought of Mark remembering that too after all this time, but he doesn't tell him so.

Instead, he says, "It would've been an ass move to make fun of you for it."

"I know," Mark says, "but there were people who did, at school."

"You never told me about that," Jaebum says, frowning.

Mark shrugs. "It was never a big deal."

It dawns on Jaebum that Mark has more secrets than he's let on, but Jaebum can't bring himself to be angry about it. He just hopes he'll learn all of them, one day.

"I'm really glad I have you, you know," Mark says then, casual but careful. "I don't know what I would've done without you, and not just because I was practically illiterate for the first year I was here."

He quiets then, evidently lost in thought, and Jaebum doesn't know what to say. Mark, despite never failing to make Jaebum feel important and loved, is never particularly vocal with gratitude. None of the boys are, aside from maybe Youngjae, who constantly lets them know that he loves them.

Presently Mark's eyes are wistful, and Jaebum is close enough that he could count his lashes if he tried. Jaebum stares openly at him – at the curve of his nose, at the hollows of his cheeks, at the way his lips are turned up in the slight smile that Jaebum's had imprinted in his mind for years – and wonders if he's an angel, because he's never seen another human being so beautiful.

It's like Jaebum is standing on the edge of a precipice, somewhere between uncertainty and understanding. He thinks that if this is what it feels like to fall, he wouldn't mind jumping.

"Jaebummie?" Mark asks, drawing him back to reality. He sits up, and Jaebum follows. "Still here?"

Jaebum swallows the sigh that starts to slip off his tongue. "Y-yeah."

Mark frowns. "Are you okay? You look a little distr – "

"Can I kiss you?" Jaebum blurts out, unable to stop himself.

Mark freezes. Jaebum wonders if he's going to say no or violently push him away, but Mark nods, seemingly numb with shock, and Jaebum wastes no time.

Mark's lips are as soft as they look. It's obvious that he doesn't have much – if any – experience with kissing, but Jaebum hardly notices that through the pure, unadulterated ecstasy coursing through his veins. It's like their lips were molded to fit perfectly against each other's, and Jaebum pulls Mark's body closer.

Then Mark is pushing at his chest, soft but insistent, and as he pulls back Jaebum wonders if he's the only one who feels the way he does.

"Wait, " Mark pants, "we can't do this. It's not right."

Jaebum's heart sinks. He knows it's not, damn it, because Korea is still so narrow-minded and there are so few people who understand, but there's just something about Mark that makes none of that matter.

It's always been Mark, really, and Jaebum realizes with a start that he's not on the edge at all. He's already been falling.

Jaebum is so, so in love, and he hasn't realized it until now.

"Right," he says anyway, although his voice doesn't sound like his own. "Right."

Mark looks scandalized. "No – no, that's not what I meant," he says quickly. "Look, I know you're too good of a person to mess with someone's feelings, but I can't – I can't do this if you don't feel the same way, okay?"

Jaebum, who's taken to staring at the floor, looks up immediately. "What are you talking about?"

Mark sighs. "You deserve to know, don't you?" he says resignedly, although it's more to himself than to Jaebum. He turns away, fidgeting with his hands, and Jaebum can hear his heart pounding in his ears.

"Know what, Mark?"

Mark bites his lip.

"I'm in love with you," he whispers after a minute. He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, curling into a ball in the way that Jaebum knows he only does when he's especially distressed. "I think I've always been."

Jaebum stares at him.

"You don't – you don't have to feel the same way," Mark says swiftly, as if he's ripping a band-aid off his own wound and just wants to do it as quickly as he can. "Don't feel pressured to. I just – you deserve to know."

"Are you blind?" Jaebum demands when he finds his voice. Mark blinks and turns to him, confused. "Mark, what the – you think I kissed you just for the hell of it?"

"Well – "

"You think I don't feel the same way?"

Mark freezes. "What?"

It's on a random burst of courage and through the immense relief clouding his mind that he grabs Mark, turning him so that they're face to face, cupping his sharp jaw with large hands and pulling him close so quickly that Mark makes a strangled noise in surprise.

Jaebum lets his eyes roam the older boy's face for a good, long minute, taking in every curve and color, and swallows the you're beautiful he's got on replay in his head.

"I'm in love with you too," he breathes, pulling Mark in for another kiss, and while it's slower, softer, sweeter, Jaebum thinks that kissing Mark feels like coming home.

Mark wraps his legs around Jaebum's waist when they part, burying his face in Jaebum's shoulder. Jaebum waits for him to speak.

A meek "You are?" is all Mark gives, and Jaebum laughs.

"Yes," he says, reveling in the feel of Mark's body so close to his. "So much."

Mark smiles. "I love you," he says, like he's testing the words, and laughs happily like he likes it. "I love you."

Jaebum loves him too, if the spreading warmth in his chest is any indication, and he tells him so.

They sit in silence, pressed against each other, until Jaebum lets out a chuckle.

"What?" Mark asks, although there's a smile on his lips, and it makes Jaebum laugh again. "What's funny?"

Jaebum shakes his head, pulling back to kiss Mark's forehead. "It's just – it's you."

"I'm funny?" Mark sasses. He giggles delightedly when Jaebum breaks into a grin and shoves him lightly.

"That's not what I meant," Jaebum says. "It's always been you, hasn't it? I just never noticed."

"Yeah," Mark says, like he knows exactly what Jaebum means. Jaebum thinks that he probably does.

Then Jaebum says, "God, I love you," pulling Mark back against him – Mark shrieks in surprise, and Jaebum ignores the way his stomach does a funny acrobatic flip at the impossibly endearing sound – for no reason other than wanting to have Mark's lips back on his, and he thinks vaguely that he could stay in this moment forever.