DOUBT

Chapter 12 - He loves us

He loves us

I remember in an argument with a student, during a debate, I repeated what Ibn Rushid has once said, 'ignorance leads to fear, fear leads to hate, and hate leads to violence. This is the equation,' and though I agreed with the words because I could see the problems, which the human nature expresses itself in the time of anger, this is the first time I feel those words to be true.

Pamir was ignorant of his parent's reality.

Mom's pain and loss had blinded him that he failed to see what she and maybe I, to some extent, could see.

The blank stare that seemed like a nightmare of death was gone. My trick had probably worked to snap him out of that phase, where he loses himself, but on the cost of a rampage that was ready to explode.

His eyes narrowed in confusion for a moment, making me gulp in dread. As if something had clicked in his head that he glared at me with resentment. I did not even feel him holding me until I was void from his touch that I realized he had already decided me as a traitor.

"Who?" That one word uttered like venom. He was mocking me.

His voice was not just harsh, but it was scary in a whisper that could create chills along a spine. Pamir is a logical person, but that does not mean he is a robot without emotions, and I have seen him all over the place, unlike others, in just a few days compared to the time we have been together. What I am afraid of is not what he feels but what he will do about it because I have never seen the results of his emotions.

"Your... dad." I stammered, swallowing a lump. His eyes slightly twitched but still felt cold, darker, not his usual warm hazel-green anymore. The hate in his eyes for his dad was the purest form of emotion which he has displayed.

"Ezzah, for the last time," he breathed through his nostrils as his eyelids covered his vision, "don't call him that man, my father."

His eyes snapped open as he continued to speak further, "He killed my mother! He killed her long before she could actually die, Ezzah," He scoffed, making me glance away from his face, only if Pamir knew what mom thought, only if he could give a chance to her words.

"She believed him, with their relation, their friendship, their love, everything. That disorder must have eaten her, but he was a living, breathing parasite on her neck. And he proceeded to suck on her, even after leaving her." Pamir growls, scaring me in along the way as his fingers dig in my arms. His eyes dart between mine as tears slip along his face. I could not help but whimper by the pain that crawls due to the pressure as he presses his hands.

"Listen, Pamir. If you have want me, I will send him back, just leave me because it hurts." I propose trying to remove his hand in the process. I gulp painfully, trying to convince him, and as if my words registered in his head, he left me, and his eyes soften as he stared at my face.

"No. I want to talk to that man today. Let him come. I want to know what does he want now? She is dead." Pamir mumbles as he moves his hand, lazily, in the air before covering his mouth with his fingers as he does not look towards me again. I thought of conceiving him otherwise because this is a bad idea, but as if on cue, the doorbell rings.

Pamir and I stared at each other with a knowing look. For some reason, we both knew who it was.

"Pamir, don't!" Pushing past me roughly, he runs out of the room. I run after him trying to stop him by clenching onto his hands from time to time, "you are not in a state to talk, not with him, at least. Please. let it go." He glanced at me when he tried to remove my hands off him, but his eyes moisten for a mere second to quickly turn back into the dark ones, and yet he still manages to open the door while dragging me with him.