LOST IN A LOSER

Will My Heart Be Okay?

I still confused with my heart. I confused with my own feeling. It was new for me. I never felt like this to someone. And this time, it happened to be a boy. Do I fall for a boy? I needed to sort my feeling.

At school, I always tried my best to avoid met Copper. At break time, I never went to canteen. I never went to my usual place. I not stayed in the class too. I hid myself in the bathroom. That was the best place I could think to hide myself. Sometime I ate my lunch over there. Disgusting? I didn't care. As long I not met Copper, I'm fine with that.

I knew he felt something fishy because the way I acted toward him. He text me but I never read it. He called me, I never picked up. He even went to my class but he never found me. I knew I was being unreasonable, but I couldn't help. This is me. I needed to settle my feeling off.

"My mom wants to meet you" someone said behind the close door. I could tell it was Copper from his voice. I stayed silent.

"I don't care if you don't want to talk to me. I don't care if you don't want to see me. And I don't care the reasons why you're avoiding me" he said, "But please, help me with this one. Please meet my mom" he pleaded. I opened the door and looked at him.

"Fine"

When we arrived at his house, his mother welcomed me with big hug and it was very tight. I couldn't breath. I felt my bones are broken. She let go of the embrace. Thanks God, I am still alive.

"I miss you, my cute son!" he pinched my cheek and it became red, "Tonight you can't go home because you will sleepover over here" it got me shocked. My eyes was widen open. Me, sleepover in 'his' house? No. No. No. Just NO!

"I can't aun... Mom. I haven't tell my mom and she is all alone at home. I can't let her alone" I tried to reasoned. I tried to sound very convicing. I didn't want her caught me lie because I jut lied to her.

"Don't worry. I have called your mother and she said she is fine with you having sleepover in our house. And she said, she won't be home until Monday because your parent is going to trip. So, you will be all alone in your house, honey" she smiled at me, "She is happy with you sleepover in here, so you have someone who will take care of you" she winked. She emphasized that word of 'someone'. What she was talking about?

I wanted to refused but I couldn't find any better excuse anymore. I just sigh when she told me to follow her. She was so excited to have me in her house. She asked me what foods she should cook for dinner and I said everything is fine for me. She smiled at me.

"I like you, Oh. More than my Copper" she joked, "You better learn to appreciate any kinds of foods, baby. Just like Oh!" she nagged Copper. He just rolled his eyes and went to his room.

"So, Mom...." she looked at me, "Where is the guest room? I think I need to place my stuff and change"

"Guest room? You don't need to sleep in guest room. It is still dirty. I haven't been cleaned it in months. So, you sleep in Copper's room and you can borrow his clothes"

I didn't want to sleep with him in same room. In same bed. I didn't want to wear his clothes. Better I wore what I wore this time. But...here I am. In front of his room. I hesitant to come in. He opened his door.

"Come in!" I came in. He told me where I should place my stuff. He gave me a pair of his clothes. He told me to go shower first before we have dinner.

How would he know I was there, in front of his room? How would he know I would sleep in his room? Not I wanted to sleep in his room in first place anyway, but his mom forced me to do it.

I took a shower and wear the clothes he gave me. I could smell of his smell. It was fresh and made me intoxicated. I felt drunk in his smell. Shit. My mind became pervert. I should stop hang around with Sun before I turn to be a pervert like him.

I shook my head. Tried to bring my sense back. I needed to clear my mind. Back to old Oh. Pure and innocent. Was I?

"No Oh. The old you is a fool and stupid!" Shit. Why Sun appeared at this time in my head? I cursed him in my head and killed him many times.

I went downstair and join them in the dinning room. We ate our dinner with usual things in this family. Joke around. We finished our dinner and I back to his room. Brush my teeth and ready to sleep.

"I will sleep on the floor" I said. He just nodded and back to his business with his phone. Really? This boy didn't even persuade me to sleep on the bed? Please be nice this time, Copper. Because I can't sleep on the floor.

I waited for long enough but nothing happened. He still busy played with his phone. I wanted to ask him why he didn't argue with me slept on the floor, but I have my pride. I wouldn't talk to him first. I wanted him to talk to me first. But...the hell about pride. My sleep time is more important than my pride right now.

"Why you didn't argue about me sleep on the floor? I thought you parent tell you to treat me better?" I angry with him. He looked at me annoyed. He placed his phone on the bed.

"If I asked you to sleep on the bed, you will refuse it and it will waste my energy. So, I will let you do whatever you want to do" This jerk. I should punch him hard. I wanted to kick his balls.

I walked to one side of his bed and laid down on there. I looked at him with anger. He didn't give me a damn. He ignored me. He played with his phone and suddenly his phone rang. He picked it up.

"Halo, Peach?" I turned my body to the side. I faced the white wall in front my eyes. I heard his conversation with Peach. I couldn't help but feeling sad. I felt my heart sting again. It hurted so much.

The call was long before he cut it and called it night. He turned off the light when he assumed I was in deep sleep.

"Oh, are you sleeping?" I didn't reply him. I kept silent and made he thinks I was sleeping. I waited an hour before I turned my body. I looked at his face. He look so peacefull. He look so handsome. He look like a baby. I traced his face.

I stop looked at him. Whenever I look at his face it reminded me how happy his face when he got call from Peach hours before. It hurts me alot. I got up and walked out from his room. I walked to the terrace. I tried to hold my tears. I took my phone and called someone.

"Halo"

"Will my heart be okay, Mom?" I cried. I couldn't hold my tears anymore. I let it out, ran down to my face.

"Oh?"

"Will my heart be okay?"

I cried in silent. I didn't want to wake up anyone in this house. I cried silently. Tried to make sting in my heart disappeared. Tried to make me feel better. But it useless. I still have pain in my heart. It hurts me so much. I felt like I might be die because of this pain. It is hurt. Really hurt.

---------------------------------------------------

Shit
I need tissue
Why I wrote this?
I should slap myself!
I'm sorry Oh to make you cry 😢😭😭