ambivalence 矛盾

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( n. ) the state of having simultaneous, sometimes conflicted feelings towards something like feeling happy and sad at the same time.

what was it like to love him? asked gratitude

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what was it like to love him? asked gratitude.
it was like being exhumed, i answered. and
brought to life in a flash of brilliance.

what was it like to be loved in return? asked joy.
it was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, i
replied. to be heard after a lifetime
of silence.

what was it like to lose him? asked sorrow.
there was a long pause before i responded:
it was like hearing every good-bye ever said to me ― said all at once.

"hey, you need to eat," seulgi frowns as she stands before her friend, narrowing her eyes at her as the other just runs her fingers across her books in the locker, trying to locate the ones she need for the day. "but i'm not hungry, in fact, i'm tired and just wish for the day to end," her friend replies softly, shutting the locker door a few seconds later after realizing that whatever books she needed are unable to be found inside.

"you skipped dinner last night, and breakfast this morning. don't lie to me yerim, and tell me that you are not hungry," seulgi furrows her eyebrows together, as she rummages her bag for the granola bar which she bought from the cafeteria this morning. "here, at least keep this with for in case you get hungry and need a quick bite," seulgi mumbles, stuffing the granola bar into her friend's palm.

but her words seem to fall on deaf ears as she notices the glistening tears that have formed at the corners of yerim's eyes, as her gaze is directed at somewhere else. seulgi immediately glances over her shoulder just to see him locking his lips with his new girlfriend, and scowls. stepping to the side as she attempts to block yerim's vision, she then mutters, "okay, the bell is going to ring so let's go to our next class before we get caught and be sent to detention."

she turns yerim around and directs her to their next class, without forgetting to shoot a glare behind her at the couple, where the male is staring at them from the corner of his eyes. 'fuck you,' she mouths, before turning around the hallway as the duo disappears from the male's sight.

"oppa, oppa, did you hear me?" the female, eunha, questions in her high-pitched voice causing the male to flinch slightly before scowling, "don't call me oppa, and yeah, i will see you at the party tonight, babe." and with that, he pecks the top of her forehead before picking his bag up and heads for his next classroom, glancing at yerim's locker as he walks past it.

"no, no, no. you're going to that party and i mean it; you need to chill and move on, yerim!" sooyoung shrieks, as she pulls open the doors of their wardrobe, while begin to search for clothes that they can all wear to the party, that one of the kids is throwing that night.

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