Counting Stars // Normila

17

"What?" Camila questioned in disbelief. "Normani's gone?" 

Camila sat on the porch steps clutching the unopened envelope in her hands tightly. If she revealed its contents then this became real, then Normani really had left. 

This was so stupid. There was no way Normani would pack her stuff and leave with her grandmother without saying goodbye to Camila. You don't do that to people you supposedly love. This was messed up. 

Unwilling to stay trapped in her own thoughts Camila ripped the envelope open and shook the letter out. Camila recognised the stationary from her desk. Filled with trepidation she unfolded it and began to read. 

Camila, 

I don't remember ever writing a letter before, well outside of that pen pal school bullshit, so I'm sorry if I'm doing it wrong. I felt like you deserved some explanation regarding my departure and if I'm being completely honest I'm not strong enough to say goodbye to your face. 

I know I'm an awful person. I said I love you and I left less than 24 hours later. It's inexcusable I know. I just feel confused. I do love you Mila, so much it terrifies me. I didn't lie. My feelings were true. 

The problem is I don't want to love you Camila. I want to be normal so desperately. I don't want to be unique or special. I just want to be normal. I want to have a normal 9 to 5 job, a normal husband and a normal family. You make me forget this and I resent you for it. 

I'm sorry for toying with you. It was unintentional. I hope you get everything you want in life. You'll meet someone, one day, who deserves your love. 

I truly do love you but this is just a phase for me. 

I'm sorry. 

The writing became more illegible as the letter concluded and the ink blots, a result of Normani's tears, did not aid Camila's struggle to read it. The lamp on the porch wasn't a great light source either. 

She read over the letter once more and then just stared out at the empty fields. She waited for tears to come, or any emotion but she just felt empty. Her mind told her she should feel anger or sadness but she was indifferent. She hadn't known her that long after all, it's not as though she would be distraught. 

It was unclear how long she sat on the porch staring into space. It could have been five minutes or it could have been five hours. Camila didn't feel the time pass. 

Her father eventually came outside and ushered her in checking and rechecking if she was okay. Everyone inside looked concerned, especially Zayn. They were treating her like porcelain. 

Finally their babying became too much and Camila released an exasperated sigh. "Seriously I am fine. It's not like we were married. I'm going to bed." 

No one stopped her. 

This place felt familiar. She had been here before. Glancing side to side she realised she was in a car. It was her Mom's car. 

They were driving and it was dark out. Only scattered streetlamps lit their way. Uncle Gerard appeared at the side of the road. 

Mom pulled the car over to let him in. "Karla get out of the car and let Ger in." her mother commanded. Camila was confused but she yielded to her mother's request. Once Gerard took his position the door slammed shut. 

"Mom let me in." Camila cried as she tugged on the door handle. Just then there was a cash of thunder and rain began pouring down. "Mommy please!" Camila begged as the car engine started.