Ink stains (Ginny Weasley AU)

Year 2 Part 2

"Tom," professor Lupin repeated after her, as if to test how it felt rolling off his tongue. 

Ginny smiled bitterly, remembering how she had done that herself. She had tried out every combination possible to decide what she would call herself after they were married. Ginevra Tom Marvolo Riddle, Ginevra T. M. Riddle, Ginevra Riddle,... It was one of the few things she had never told him. She had been scared he would laugh at her. How stupid she'd been.

Hesitantly he asked: "This Tom, he was not a normal boy, was he?"

Her ugly smile widened. "No, he wasn't."

"And, if I may ask, what happened to Tom?" he continued to inquire.

Ginny tilted her head to the side and realized she must have been frightening him. Hers was after all not a normal reaction to a boggart. Most would probably run from their fear instead of at them. Not to mention the way she was behaving afterwards, showcasing her broken soul because she didn't have the strength to hide anymore. Blocking him out, she decided that this would not do. She had fooled everyone in her family, even Percy to a certain extent. She could hide it from a professor she didn't even know as well.

"Harry killed him, that's what professor Dumbledore said." The answer naturally rolled off her tongue. She had said it a million times over the summer so how could it not?

"You don't believe him?" 

She snorted before she could stop herself. Dammit! She could feel his gaze burning through her, asking her to elaborate. She didn't answer immediately though. She was mindful not to make another mistake. She steeled herself first, clenching the muscles of her stomach and carefully controlling her breaths. She imagined physical walls being raised in front of her eyes. She imagined miniature versions of herself faithfully standing guard on them, wands raised.

When she did speak her voice didn't sounded monotone as it had before. Instead she sounded like the scared child she supposed professor Lupin expected her to be. She was pleased with how convincing her meek tone sounded. "It's hard to accept that anyone can hurt him."

"Ginny, I want you to be honest with me; if you don't want to say something you don't have to, but be honest."  Fat chance! She almost cackled out loud. How many times had she heard that now already? From how many people? "Did Tom ever touch you in some way you didn't want to?"

"Did he rape me?" she asked, frowning.

Had he? He had wormed his way inside of her. He had abused her body in a way that had scarred her for life. He had discarded her afterwards as if she was nothing but a bag of flesh and blood, a toy for him to do with as he pleased. But hadn't she been willing? He hadn't asked, but if he had, wouldn't she have given her soul in a heartbeat. Yes, she would've. She would have given him everything, her body, mind and soul, because he owned it all anyway. But he hadn't asked, had he? Did that make it rape, mind rape?

Eventually, she decided to answer him as honestly as possibly, just like he had asked: "In a way, I suppose. I'm not sure."

He nodded as if that made sense, but she knew it didn't.

Pathetic! She could almost hear him hiss in her ears and winced, because she knew he was right. How could you not know whether you were raped or not? Even if it was a mind rape. Ginny didn't know whether the professor had seen her flinch. He acted as if she hadn't either way.

Instead he continued asking: "Did he do something to you or made you do anything you didn't want?"

She hadn't wanted to petrify people, had she? She hoped not, but unlike professor Dumbledore and her family she wasn't sure. Guilt made her stomach swirl. She was an awful witch! How could she even think about putting her own stupid addiction before the lives of others? Her mum would be so ashamed.