Unexpected Love

Chapter 5 - Her Death

CHAPTER 5

“We’ll go through this. You’ll get out of here and we’ll go back home. I’ll move back to your house and everything will be fine, you’ll see mom” I said, as I rubbed my thumb on the back of her hand. She wasn’t awake, but I knew she could listen. “Everything will be fine” my voice cracked as a tear slipped down my face, I wiped it away with my free hand and looked at my mom. She’s so beautiful, though she’s sick and bald. She’s still beautiful, stunning. I still don’t understand how could dad leave her, how could dad cheat on her, she’s the most amazing woman alive. Well, not totally alive since she’s in a hospital, giving her last breathes but, you get the idea. She’s fun to be with, she’s respectful, and she’s wonderful. Not to say her amazing body and her so beautiful face. I miss her voice, and her jokes.

“School’s a slap in the face sometimes” she joked, as I hopped into the car.

I miss those days, when everything was fine. When she’d take me to school and back home, when she’d help me with my homework, when she’d talk to me about the boys at her school, I miss her stories of her younger times. I miss her, in general. I tighten my grip on her hand and looked at the machine that counts your heartbeats. Her beats were slow and weak. I hope she makes it, I told myself. What would be me without my mom? I’d be nothing, I’d be no one, she’s everything I have. I shook my head, and tried to be positive.

“She’ll make it” I said under my breath. I couldn’t help but think in everything we’d done together in my last 14 years of life. My heart still hurt every time I think of the depression she got into when dad cheated on her, and when we were told that she had cancer, and when we realized the treatments weren’t working. Everything’s happened so fast, it was a month ago that she carried me bridal style around the living room; that was a good day. It will be a good memory. I was now looking down at our hands, the grip I had on her hand, was rather tight, I didn’t want to let her go, I looked up at her, her lips were a straight line, her eyes were closed avoiding me to look into her green eyes, I miss her. I miss everything about her. I miss how her eyes would say the unspoken, her eyes would show me how much she cares for me, how much mother love there is in her, she has taken such a good care of me. I smiled weakly thinking in our trips down to Disneyland, once we went all the way to the Niagara Falls; she designed so many clothes for me. Yeah, she’s a clothes designer, she has her own store, she designs about every kind of clothe, but specially wedding and prom dresses and let me say they are all gorgeous and flawless. I let out a small sigh still looking at my mom. I am trying my best to be positive, I am. But, I am just… I just, I feel so useless to watch her there, lying on the bed, about to leave me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I need to take a walk, really. I kissed my mother’s cheek, and whispered in her ear “I’ll be back soon. I just need some fresh air” I walked out just to bump into the nurse, she looked at me and smiled softly “I have to check on your mom, are you going somewhere, sweetie?” she asked sweetly I nod my head and look down at my feet “I just need some fresh air, I’ll be back in a couple of minutes” I smile weakly and walked out of the hospital. I place my hands in the pockets of my shorts and take a small walk, there’s a park right in front of the hospital and I’m glad. That’s what I needed, to go back to my childhood, which wasn’t long ago. I walked eagerly to the swings and sat still. I looked at the sky, the clouds were gathering together hiding the sun, the sky was slowly turning gray, it would rain. “Great” I muttered to myself, I shrugged it off and looked at the ground, I thought of a couple of years ago, when my best friend Chloe took me to the park around the corner close to our houses, she lived across the street. I remember we both sat on the swings and just stayed there all afternoon.

“Come on Rache, we’re going to the park!” Chloe said too much excitement in her voice; I grabbed her hand and followed her all the way to the park. “We’re here!” she yelled following it with a squeal as we ran to the swings “The one who swings higher wins!” I said I was suddenly as excited as she was; I smiled and got on the swing as I started to swing my legs back and forth to move the swing and my whole body. It was like flying. “I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME” I sang loudly to Barney lyrics, Chloe looked at me and sang along. We were children, what do you expect? When it got dark my mom had gone to the park to look for us, when she finally saw us she ran to me and hugged me lifting me and spinning around with me in her arms, I giggle and hugged her tightly “I love you mommy” I said she smiled as she put my back on my feet “I love you too, pumpkin” I smiled and grabbed her hand, and then Chloe’s as we walked back home.

I smiled at myself to the memories and got up, I walked back to the hospital, I was kind of relaxed but just to put one foot in this place gave me shivers. I sighed walking up to my mother’s room, I heard mumbling in the room, and then I heard them all yelling stuff and heard footsteps all over the room. What’s going on? I opened the door slowly and looked up at the hospital bed, where my mom was lying down. I couldn’t see her though, she was surrounded by one more machine and some nurses and the doctor, I gasped and one nurse noticed me. She walked up to me and took me outside the room, she had worry in her eyes, and she smiled weakly at me, trying to say everything would be fine. But here eyes said the opposite; I started to shake and looked at her.

“Wh-what’s going on?” she sighed and grabbed my hand, walking into the waiting room and making me sit down, I looked at her confused but did as I was told, she sits next to me and starts to speak.

“While you were out” she started, looking away from me, I could tell something was wrong. “your mother’s heart stopped working” I gasped, tears start to form in my eyes, my heart’s speeding, it’s getting hard to breath and I look at the floor, trying to avoid the tears, I try to calm down. She didn’t say she’s dead, did she? They saved her, didn’t they? I look at her and she notices that I’m begging for answers. “There’s nothing we can do” she finally says and walks away. I immediately get up and walk into the room, and there she was, lying on the bed, not moving, the room’s silent. I look around her bed and notice the machines were disconnected from her, and that’s when it hits me. She’s gone. The tears slip out and I jog my way next to her, my sight becomes blurry for the tears and I bury my head on her chest, crying. I can’t do this. “Don’t leave me” I choke out. I look up at her dead face and I feel my heart cracking, I can even listen how the pieces crack. “don’t leave me. I NEED YOU!” I yell, at the dead body. “Stay with me, I beg you” I whisper, tears streaming down my face, I can’t avoid the tears. I take a step back as my legs start to shake, I’m so weak, I fall to the floor and I curl up there, on the cold hospital floor, I hid my face in my hands bawling my eyes out. “It’s my fault, it’s my entire fault! I left you when you needed me the most!” I yell, as if she could listen to me, this couldn’t be happening, she couldn’t be gone, she just couldn’t. I try to get up and wipe the tears, thinking it’s just a dream, and trying my best to believe, I lean on her bed and the tears just begin to fall one more time. “this can’t be happening! Why ME! First dad, now you! What am I supposed to do? Mom, I NEED you!” I lift my hands in exasperation, there’s nothing I can do I hug her dead body, tighter than ever, and cry on her neck, her dead neck.