Dear Harry | LARRY

chapter four

Dear Harry,

It's unbearable. The pain of not having you here with me is horrible. Just the possibility that you might be out there making someone else's heart flutter like you did mine destroys me. It feels like everyday that ticks by with you gone makes it more excruciating than the last.

I hurt you and I know I deserve to feel pained by you leaving. I pushed you away. I've made mistakes but that will never change the fact that I love you. I was an idiot for letting you and what we had slip through my fingers.

I wish I had fought harder for you. I wish I could have dropped what I was doing to see that you weren't happy. I'm sorry that I fucked up, I want to make up for it. It's all I can think about. All I keep imagining is if I had noticed what was happening sooner, what if I had picked up my shit and started fixing the problem before it got worse. I wonder if you would still be around.

I'm such a fucking idiot for letting you walk out the door. I should have ran after you, begged you to stay and listen to what I had to say. I was so stupid. I shouldn't of let whatever was going on between us affect the band, I should have manned the fuck up so I didn't hurt our fans by forcing this 'hiatus' on us.

I know we are promising to be back but how can we really if you and I still aren't speaking? I wouldn't be able to do that to the other boys again. I couldn't just let them sit in a room where there is so much tension that you can choke on it, I don't want to make them have to deal with us bickering or you ignoring me constantly because you don't want to talk to me.

We need to fix this between us. We need to sit down and talk it all out, instead of pushing it away and letting it all build up until it explodes.  We have to fix this.

I miss you so fucking much, Harry. I wish I could see you. I'm hoping one day that you'll knock on the door and come back to me. Until then, I'll keep writing letters that you'll never see.

Your sincerely,
                      Louis Tomlinson