LOVE IS BLIND

Phenomenal Mess

Alena P.O.V

As I sat in the tub, glass of red wine in hand, the color which matches my crying soul; perfectly rolled blunt to lips to simmer my booming mind; light off, thoughts of my past clouded my brain like bees surrounding their honeycomb . This was becoming my unspoken ritual. I reached out the tub in search for my safe haven; in this case my notebook.

Phenomenal Mess

Im hurting deep inside; and out. The scars he left me with to speak of the moments we had; correction moment he had. Correction, moments they had. It haunts me like a bad scent that wont ever go away. The torture i felt many years ago wont subside. Its like a ride to the other side of that mountain where everything is dead and dark.
Like that time we went to the park, and i couldnt play with my friends because i was sore from last night's adventure. Correction last night's activity. Correction last night's torture. Or the time momma sat in the room and recorded him making love to me. Correction having sex with me. Correction muthafucking raping the shit out of me.

Or that time I finally broke down and became that phenomenal mess. And cut my wrist hoping to escape the curse on earth. Thought I woke up in a hospital. But it was the faded blue walls i found myself hating. He lingered over me ready to feast on his meal like a dog ready for his treat. So much for escaping huh.

Tears rolled down my round face. All the weed in the world isnt strong enough to take away the pain I experienced. I stood up; and cut on the water to freezing cold and stood up under it. My body numb mind swirling moving 400 m/p/h. I started writing poetry after I was about 14 years old after the incident with me cutting. It became soothing for me and its a habit that cannot be broken.

"Knock! Knock! Knock". "Im coming". It was Ant outside the door; 2 months had pass since me and ant been working on the project, were the best of friends now.

" Why u look like that" he asked

"Don't focus on me, focus on your yellow ass girlfriend" This nigga always tryna get in somebody buisness.

"I still dont understand why you dont like her" He said feigning hurt.

"Cause she trifling as hell but you to dumb to see it" I sighed saying the last part. "Shut your fat ass up" he said getting angry. "Leave"  I said quietly, almost sounding like a whisper.

"What" he asked, guess he deaf now. "Anthony you need to leave today is not the day so leave" I spoke in a firm tone.

"Aight im gone".

I was really not in the mood today to deal with Ant and his attitude. As i scrolled through Instagram double clicking as I went down my feed; a few post really had me flabbergasted. Today's society is constantly putting down dark women or dark curvy women but women like Kim Kardashian who had to pay for her curves are what we call #bodygoals or whatever dumb shit they say.

Trying to get out of my dim mood, I got dress, and texted Gena to meet me outside.

"Hey boo who you looking all types of cute for" Gena asked getting all loud and extra. "For food, you wanna come or nah" I asked rolling my eyes.

"Of course if food is involved im coming" She answered ignoring my attitude.

As we was eating our McDonalds some boys were giving out flyers for a dance that was happening tonight. "You tryna pull up" I asked. "Yeah I need to get loose, this week been hell".

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"How my butt look in this" I asked Gena. "Girl come here let me dick you down" I stale faced her.

"Aight Gen lets go" I said as i applied my lipstick on.

"Bitch I been ready, you want to catch an uber cause im gonna get messed up" Same for me. "I already called the uber should be pulling in BEEPPP, now i guess"

"Good evening ladies" the cold glass of chocolate milk sitting behind the wheel said. "Do you have a name, or can i call you mine" Gen said looking serious as hell. "You have to excuse her she didn't take her meds today". "Nah she's good, and fine as hell to; my name is Regie but you can call me yours if you still want to"

We finally reached after 20 minutes of excruciating pain listening to Gen and Bryon flirt.

When we got inside it was jam packed. Bodies were grinding against each other. The scent of weed serenaded me like the scent of fresh cut grass on a early saturday morning, chilled bottles of alcohol begging to be touched; as my memories were begging to be forgotten.

"Lena you wanna dance" Gena asked trying to put on a puppy dog face;but failing miserably. "Nah sis im good on that". As soon as those words left my mouth, Me better by Aidonia started to play. Gena began smirking because she know i always killed this shit.

I pulled her to the dance floor, and started going in. Whining, twerking, and shouting to top of my lungs until the song was finished.

You know that funny feeling you get when somebody stare at you for to long? Yeah that, I turned around from my standing spot, and saw a daddy staring at me smirking. Cant nobody tell me God not real, if i keep seeing fine beings like this.

"Hi ma you look stunning tonight, you want a drink" he said as i took a long pull from the blunt in my hand. My mama might of been a no good,drunken, punk, weak, dumbass, my husband is gonna leave me, broke headass woman; but one thing she told me was to never except no type of drink from no nigga or their gramma.

"Nah i'm good; I can get your name tho; or I can just call you Da Da." I said in a fake baby voice knowing im high as hell.

"You funny as hell; but my name is Deondre, you can call me dre for short".

Me and Dre hit it off , even though we was high as hell. "Yo, why babies be in the womb for 9 months but when they come out they not" Dre asked with a serious expression on his face.

"Nigga you highhh, but you right tho. You see how we cant see air right; can fish see water" I thought out loud .

"Well according to Luke the 28th chapter" Dre started quoting the bible. "Lena what the hell you doing here"? Ant said clenching his jaw.

"Ant you better stop clenching your jaw; before you break some of those sexy teeth of yours" I better shut my mouth before i say something I forget. I mean regret. That henny really hit me hard.

"Yo lets go, where Gen at" he asked. "Hey hey hey" Dre called out in that Fat Albert voice. " Who the fuck are you and why you taking Elena of Avalor away from me". Dre asked drunkenly.

"Listen nigga im not in the mood you two can get back to your date later we gatta head out now, so sit your dumb ass down" Anthony sounded mad as hell but he looked fine as fuck.

"Lena you gat my number right?" Dada asked "Yup "

When we all were in the car, including Gen who was currently knocked out, Ant started apologizing about earlier.

"Niwwa i mean Nigga save it, im not mad just tired; but can you sing me a song" His voice was beautiful as hell.

"I dont want no body but you kissing on my tattoos; i dont want nobody but me talking to you until you fall asleep oohh we better stop playing better stop playing for somebody mess around and get hurt. I dont want nobody but kissing on my tattoos"

When he ended it felt like he was staring into my soul; digging up all my past secrets and silently telling me he was really singing to me; ha not even the nonsober Alena would believe that.

"KISNGIB ON MY TATOSO" i tried rapping the rest but I failed miserably. We pulled up to my building and I gave Ant my key. He then carried Gen up to my apartment then came back and walked me up.

"Bye Ant" i said sleepily.

"Bye Boo". That was our little silent agreement of telling each other we were fine.