These Are Not The Droids You're Looking For

Episode IV

Chapter 1 - Mos Eisley

Storm troopers have been assigned to the spaceport of Mos Eisley looking for two droids who may have information stolen from the Empire. Bob checks the orders, and begins making assignments while pointing at a map. "OK I want Riley and Cooper here. James and Falk here. Doug and I will be here. Stefan, Blake, Jarvis, and Darren need to guard this door here"

Jarvis interrupts, "But sir! That is an outdoor sanitation facility. Do we really need to.."

Bob cuts him short. "Are you questioning my orders? It's very clear that Lord Vadar doesn't want anyone messing with our shit. I intend to ensure that does not happen. I want our shit to be intact and in order in case he comes to inspect it. That means you can't allow anyone to flush! It's very important! Am I making myself clear?"

Jarvis swallows hard, "Yes sir!"

Doug adds, "Do you wish for me to discipline him sir?"

Bob pulls out his blaster. "He knows what will happen if he disobeys."

Doug smiles beneath his helmet. "Yes. Super-wedgies are no joke."

Bob says, "You have your assignments. We are looking for two droids that arrived on this planet very recently. Kill anyone who has had contact with the droids. We must ensure that no one messes with our shit. Dismissed."

Several hours later, Bob is playing with some sort of local cactus. He is pulling out the spines one by one using his fingers. The spines move in a fluid motion with the wind, but when threatened they stiffen and become longer.

Doug says, "Sir! There is a landspeeder approaching."

Bob runs to Doug's side. "Yes! Are there droids aboard?"

"I think so sir."

Bob says, "Excellent! You will question them, and if we need to take action, I will hit them with the spikey-hand!" He shows off his glove that is covered in stiff spines. Blood flowing freely off a few of them.

Doug flags down the dusty landspeeder. There are two droids in the vehicle, one a golden protocol droid and the other a blue and white robotic droid series 2. Two locals accompany the droids. A teenager is driving with an older man riding with him. Doug has seen many older men run these speeders into buildings because they are either blind or their reaction time is too slow.

Doug asks the young man, "How long have you had these droids?"

"About 3 or 4 seasons."

The older man chimes in, "They're for sale if you want them."

Doug doesn't trust this old man. He seems shifty, and the younger man seems a bit nervous. "Let me see your identification."

The younger man starts fumbling for the document. Doug's head starts to feel a bit fuzzy. A voice in his head says, "You don't need to see his identification." It seems reasonable in a 'Let's go get icecream' kind of way. Doug's voice repeats the words, and it becomes his idea. "We don't need to see his identification." The voice continues, "These are not the droids you're looking for." Again the thought penetrates his brain and becomes his own. "These are not the droids we're looking for." The voice says " He can go about his business." Doug's mind broadcasts static, he doesn't hear himself repeat the thought.

The fuzz fades from his mind. Bob asks, "Why is your helmet rainbow colored? Did we get new uniforms?"

Doug replies, "Move along. Move along."

Bob looks around, "The speeder left already with the pink baby bantha." He pats Doug on the back of his shoulder inbetween the plates of armor.

Pain explodes in Doug's shoulder. "MOVE ALONG! Ow!"

Bob says, "Oh sorry! Spikey hand. Ha!" He grins.

Doug breaks out of his trance. "That hand doesn't look too good sir. You may want to have a medic check it out. Do you have any feeling in that hand?"

Bob looks at the green pus dripping down from it. "No, but it's the Spikey Hand! Why would it have any feelings? I'm getting dizzy." Bob falls over.