These Are Not The Droids You're Looking For

Chapter 2 - Death Star

Bob wakes with a throbbing pain in his hand. He looks to see that it has been replaced with a robotic one. "Noooo! Spikey Hand you will be missed! Corporal Doug!"

Doug runs up to the bed. "Yes sir!"

Bob says, "Status Report!"

"Yes sir! Sergeant Bob was injured and has been out for the past two days due to a toxic hallucinagen. Corporal Doug was also infected."

Bob interrupts while flexing his new metallic hand, "The mission Corporal. What about the mission?"

Doug clears his throat. "Of course sir. Stefan, Blake, Jarvis and Darren all died chasing after the rebels."

Bob asks, "They left their post?"

"Yes sir. The toilet was flushed and cleaned."

Bob slams his hand against the wall making a clang sound reverberate through the room. "Dammit! Super-Wedgies for all of them!"

"But sir they are dead."

Bob looks at Doug with anger in his eyes. "I don't care!"

Doug snaps to attention. "Yes sir! I will see to it sir!"

Bob stands up. "Where are we anyway?"

Doug says, "The Death Star Battle Station."

Bob puts his helmet on. "Let's go find out what our orders are."

They both walk towards the elevators. The elevator stops halfway to their destination and an officer enters. He selects his destination as the doors close again. Bob farts loudly. The officer in his grey-green uniform doesn't have a helmet on, and thus doesn't have an air filter. He begins to cough violently.

Bob asks, "Are you OK sir?"

The officer continues to cough, then falls over. Doug checks for a pulse. "He's dead."

Bob shuffles his feet. "Obviously too weak for the empire if a fart killed him. Pull his pants down, and position him with his butt up. We'll call it suicide if anyone asks."

Doug finishes the task as the elevator doors open. They both exit and head towards the command center. The battle coordinator gives Bob the codes for com units on the Death Star. Bob says, "Doug I have our orders. We're supposed to meet our squad by the holding cells. The communications died there and they want us to check it out. Follow me. I know the way!"

Several minutes later...

Doug asks, "Why is it so dirty here? Shouldn't we be following the directions on our HUD?"

Bob says, "I know where we're going. The cleaner droids must not have made their way down here yet. There's a control station. Let's head towards it."

"Is that the same one we passed three times already?"

Bob looks around. "Nah it can't be. I know exactly where we are. We have to be close to the holding cells."

Bob reaches the control panel, and begins to hit buttons at random. Doug asks, "Do you know what you are doing sir?"

"Of course not! I'm not authorized to use this control panel, but who's gonna stop me. All of these red buttons need to be pressed!"

The sound hydraulic presses being activated surrounds the two. It is soon followed by the sounds of crunching metal. Doug says, "Those are trash compactors! Are you sure we're in the right place sir?"

Bob looks around again. "OK we're lost. Let's go find the elevators again."

Doug puts his palm against his helmet. "Can we use the HUD in our helmets this time?"

"No! Stop asking! I know the way!"