(Don't) Leave Me Behind

Part 19

"How long are we going to stand out here like this?" Lindsey broke the silence, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"What are you doing here, Lindsey? How did you find out where I live? Although, I know the answer to the second question." Stevie was sure Christine told him. 

"I came to talk to you. Not argue, talk. This is getting ridiculous, Steph." Lindsey sighed, not realizing what he called her, but it didn't go unnoticed by Stevie.

"I'm not sure what's there to talk about." She shrugged, folding her arms over her chest. 

"Well, I think there's everything to talk about."

Biting her lip, she hesitated. A lengthy moment of silence passed, when Stevie showed him inside her apartment. "Wait in the living room, I need to get dressed." Lindsey nodded to that and went to take a seat. 

Stevie took her time, she was most definitely avoiding facing Lindsey. She was surprised to see him, she had no idea what was going to happen, but a part of her was curious. She wanted to know what brought him to her doorstep.

"Aren't you supposed to be partying with Mick and John?"

"Right, because they're so much fun." Lindsey rolled his eyes. "John sits, hugging his drink, while Mick gets high, downs his beer in one go and chases after women. Shit... I shouldn't have-"

"No, it's okay." Stevie shrugged, taking a seat as well, a gap between them. "I'm not stupid, I know Mick isn't faithful to me nor should he be. We're... we're nothing. I mean, he's got a wife."

It made Lindsey a bit uncomfortable, the last thing he wanted to hear was Stevie talking about her boyfriend or whatever he was to her. "Why are you with him then?" Despite himself, Lindsey asked.

"I'm not. We have sex." Stevie answered plainly. "After we broke up, I uh..." She grew quiet. 

"You can open up to me, that's why I came here." Lindsey encouraged her and she smiled weakly.

"When we broke up, I needed someone there for me. I thought that person was Rick. We had a thing for a while, but..." She sighed. "We just were incompatible. We weren't on the same page, we wanted different things, I realized that fairly quickly. Then this... situation with Mick started. It works for me. Most of the time." Stevie added. 

"How long do you think that's going to work for you? Is it truly what you want?" Lindsey asked calmly, not wanting to sound judgmental. "You've changed, Stevie. You really have." A hint of sadness in his voice. "You're not the same person from two years ago, a year ago. I'm going to ask you a question and I don't want you to get defensive, okay?" Considering for a second, Stevie nodded her head. "Do you even like yourself? Do you like what being in Fleetwood Mac turned you into?"

She didn't speak for a moment. She hated how emotionally she'd become lately, feeling the tears stinging the back of her eyes again. Shaking her head at last, she let a tear slip. "I don't." She whispered. "I don't." She repeated a little louder. "I hate that you and I aren't together anymore, most of the time I don't enjoy being a part of that band, I don't enjoy drinking heavily, I hate that..." Should she tell him, should she not? Looking into his eyes, Stevie finished. "I hate that I'm addicted to cocaine."

A heavy breath passed through Lindsey's lips as he hung his head. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He then looked over his shoulder at her. "Why do it all if you're so unhappy, Steph? Is it worth it? I'm sorry I pushed you into Fleetwood Mac, that's on me, but I didn't force you to start drinking or doing drugs."

"I know." Stevie agreed, which surprised Lindsey. "And I'm sorry I blamed you, because I still could have said no. Despite what you told Mick, I didn't have to join the band. Once it was all decided, I started thinking that maybe it will work, maybe it was the right decision. I didn't realize how swept up in all the rock and roll bullshit I got and how quickly. If I'm honest, it really went to my head. Yeah, we've done a couple of shows, but I'm still nothing. And with each day I think that I won't become anything being in Fleetwood Mac. I'll just have a year or two long party and that will be the end. Mick disagrees. He constantly praises everything I do and it's not helping. Sometimes I want to scream at him to shut the hell up and leave me alone." 

"It breaks my heart hearing you say these things." Scooting over closer to Stevie, Lindsey didn't think she might push him away before he embraced her in his arms. And she didn't. She lay her head on his shoulder and silently cried for a while. He pressed his lips to her forehead and said the words out loud, tired of keeping them inside. "I love you, angel." That brought a fresh wave of emotions and Stevie sobbed, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you and I want to help you. Please, let me help you." His fingers tangled in her hair. "Forget about Mick, allow me to be by your side and we'll get through this. We'll finish this album and we'll leave, both of us."

Another moment of silence, which caused Lindsey's heart to beat faster as he waited for her to respond. And she did, rendering him speechless.

"You need to leave."