Us (Dan and Phil Phanfiction)

Chapter 2

BY THE WAY THE TWITTER USERNAME USED IS ONE I JUST MADE UP IT ISN'T ANYONE IN PARTICULAR. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS USERNAME EVEN EXISTS.

I hopped onto the nearest train and snuggled into the red seats. I didn't know where I was going. I purposely didn't check - I didn't care.

I pulled out my phone and started scrolling Tumblr. I had never liked the mobile application, it was too awkward in comparison to the website on my Mac. But I didn't have my Mac. I left it behind - along side everything else I owned.

I moved onto Twitter and posted a tweet:

@danisnotonfire: Is this another existential crisis, or just the pain you feel when you've been hurt? Stay tuned to find out.

I added a few sad emoji's and then scanned my mentions. I hated tweeting when I was sad. I didn't want to force the same feeling upon my fans, or encourage them to create a hashtag such as #weloveyoudanisnotonfire - it was lovely, but not what I needed. I carried on scrolling my feed, not really taking in what any of them said. One in caps lock suddenly caught my eye:

@howellyoudoing: DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?

@danisnotonfire: go on then...

@howellyoudoing: Why did Dan Howell dance around the jam jar?

@danisnotonfire: ... why ...?

@howellyoudoing: because the lid said, "Twist to open." *Budum tsch*

@danisnotonfire: Please leave, that was awful!

@howellyoudoing: are you smiling?

@danisnotonfire: only because it was so dreadfully bad!

@howellyoudoing: at least you're smiling :) 

I rested my head back onto the chair and favourited @howellyoudoing's last tweet. It was times like this when I liked my fanbase. It was nice to know that some of them did treat me like a normal human being. I DMed her:

Thanks, I needed that :D

I looked through her time line and was let down to see that she was screaming, and crying, and basically a happy mess because of my interactions with her. I just wanted someone who didn't treat me like an internet star 24/7. 

I needed someone to talk to about what happened with Phil and my brother. Normally, in this kind of situation, I would talk to Phil. He always said the right thing - or didn't say anything at all, because his presence was sometimes enough. If Phil was busy, then I'd talk to Adrian: my brother. I never would have thought that at some point I wouldn't be able to talk to either of them. 

I drummed my fingers on the window and watched the world fly by. Someone gently tapped my shoulder. "Hi, are you Dan Howell? Can I have a picture?" I tried to hide the sigh that my body produced. The girl's face dropped when she realized how much of an effort this was to me. "Or not?" She started to walk away.

"No, come back! Sorry, I'm just a bit of a mess." She propped herself onto the seat next to me and held up her phone where we took a picture.

"Thank you, I hope you are okay." I nodded in appreciation, and rolled my eyes as soon as her back was turned. My phone suddenly buzzed with a twitter notification. It was from Phil. 

@AmazingPhil: Dan... :(

"Oh great, thank you Phil, now the whole fanbase knows that you hurt me. Great." I mumbled to myself. The girl suddenly trotted up to me again.

"Where's your stop?" She said urgently. 

"Where ever the end of the line is." I replied looking away from her and out of the window.

"Oh really?" She sounded surprised. "Mine too! Anyway, you're going to tell me what has happened, and I'm going to make you feel better. I won't spread it around the internet - don't worry."

"Look, that's really nice of you, but, I don't even know your name, and you're a fan, so it would be weird." 

"Fan or not, it doesn't really change anything, I'm still a stranger. Okay, I'm Eloise. I'm 19. I live in Plymouth. Anything more you want to know?" She folded her arms and looked at me defensively. I sighed. She wasn't giving up.

"Sorry, I was joking, the next stop is where I need to go." I stood up and she pulled at my top, which dragged the rest of me back down too. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?"  She slapped my arm. "OW!" I definitely wasn't telling her now. 

"Stop being so pathetic." My phone buzzed again, Phil was trying to call me. I didn't want to talk to him. But I also didn't want to talk to Eloise. I stared at my phone for a minute before sliding past Eloise and answering it.

"Dan, I made a mistake. A huge mistake. We all make them. Please come home so we can talk."

"Phil, I'm on a train. I need some head space." I was about to hang up, when Phil screamed down the phone line.

"YOU'VE MADE MISTAKES AND I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU." Mistake: An error or judgment that is misguided wrong. Error, fault, misunderstanding, flaw, slip, faux pas. I exhaled, shaking all over.

"Don't bring that up again. You don't have the right to-"

"I have every right, Dan. You hurt me, and now I hurt you. We're even." He interrupted.

"It doesn't work like that, Phil! This is completely different." In my head, I was screaming at him. In reality, I was only whispering.

"You need to stop telling yourself that, Dan. I know how much you regret what you did, and I do with this. You need to get out of your own head and actually start listening to me." The train slowed to a stop. I hung up on Phil and ran away from everything.