143 Flowers (Stray Kids Lee Minho//Lee Know)

3

Exhausted, Prim collapsed onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't do it. It was stressful. It was tiring. She was living her dream yet she felt like she was in hell. It was the fifteenth of March - she recalled - meaning she had only been in Seoul for five days. 

At first, Primrose had spare time so she grew to like it but once she entered school everything started to slowly tire and stress her out. She wasn't the only one though. There were JYP Entertainment trainees in her school as well but all of them were famous and so she barely got to talk to them. 

Not many people liked her in school and Primrose knew that being an antisocial introvert played a major role in that. The girls detested her because she was pretty and always felt she didn't talk because she thought she was so much better than them. The boys agreed she was pretty but they too believed she was too vain or cocky to talk to them and that she was different. 

On her first day she actually had a friend. Her name was Jeon Nayeon. At first, Prim believed she was nice until she found out she only wanted to learn English off of her so she could easily communicate to Felix, a JYP trainee. However, that wasn't all she wanted from her, Primrose soon found out. Apparently, Nayeon has seen the girl go into the entertainment before and also wanted her to give them her phone number. When Prim disagreed, she lost Nayeon as a friend.

The different timezones also killed her for she never had the chance to had a full-on conversation with someone back home whether it be her parents or Wes. Everything that tired her mentally, she learned to keep there even if it meant losing her mind.

"It's only been a few days," she would tell herself but soon realised the statement went two ways. Either everything would become better, or just worse. Obviously, she prayed it would get better but as the days progressed she found herself more and more depressed about the whole situation. She missed her her home but most importantly, she missed her old life. And this was all within four days of training.

After a month of coming home after practice and lying on her bed as if she was praying that she would just die, Primrose's biggest nightmare came true: she had become numb to her reality. She used to dance, sing or act her pain out but now she stood in the middle of the dance studio being scolded at by her dance teacher.

"What happened to you? You were so eager to dance but now you're just a lazy sack of potatoes! If you don't want to bother yourself anymore just spare me my time and quit dancing!" He yelled picking up his bag and walking out. Out of anger, Primrose rushed to slam the door behind him but the truth was she slowly felt herself change. She hadn't even realised why she was like this until one night she lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling and noticed that she had been losing herself. For a week, Prim tried finding herself only to find out that she had died and someone else was taking control of her.

Staring in the mirror, she realised just how much she abhorred herself. Her body was too pale for her liking, too chubby according to her dance teacher, and her face looked like corpse with the gigantic bags under her eyes, tearstained cheeks and dull eyes. She stared into her reflection's eyes and hated how dead them seemed then her gaze slowly landed on her lips. When was the last time she genuinely smiled? Or laughed? No, she shook her head; those weren't the real question. She feared to ask it because she had been denying it since the feeling first drowned her. When was the last time she was truly happy? That question soon led to another, one that she had to look up because she began to forget the meaning herself. What is happiness?

"One more time, Prim," she told herself as she headed back to the stereo and switched on the song she had been learning. Everything was going well as she danced, she had thought, until her eyes landed on the mirror. Immediately, Primrose fell to the ground with her eyes wide and hands covering her mouth. She was mortified. 

"No, you saw wrong," she shook her head, unable to accept how far gone she was, but the picture was still there in her mind. Even when dancing, she couldn't reconnect with herself. Slowly, she crawled to the bench and picked up her phone. The girl hated how much her phone trembled in her hands as she tried her hardest to dial a familiar number. 

"Hello?" Wesley's husky morning voice could be heard.

"Wes..." She mumbled as her voice trailed off.

"Prim? It's freakin' one a.m. Can you call later?" He asked, breaking whatever was left of her heart.

"Yeah, sure. Goodnight," her voice was clearly weak but Wesley was too tired to care so Prim just hung up and stared at the wall. She was fading away and all he cared about was getting his precious eight hours of sleep.

After about an hour of hopelessly staring at the wall, she pulled herself together and stood up, making her way to the door. 

She immediately stopped on her tracks once she opened the door. Outside the door sat a holly wrapped in a lilac, satin cloth. Primrose furrowed her eyebrows before picking it up, noticing a note attached to it written: "#1 Holly symbolising hope".