Unforgivable (A Severus Snape Love Story)

Chapter 24

The school year would not end before I died. That was a fact. Severus refused to let me out if his sight, but I had a way to make him let me kill myself.

"Severus, I made coffee!" I called from his kitchen area. Sure, drugging his coffee wasn't the best plan, but it's all I could do! He waltzed into the room wearing only his trousers and wrapped his arms around me from behind tightly.

"What time is it?" He asked sleepily as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Time for you to drink some coffee." I handed him a mug and sipped my own. He drank his without questioning it, and soon his cup was empty. He yawned and furrowed his brows.

"I thought coffee was supposed to wake you up, not make you tired."

"Decaf," I responded, draining my cup. A muggle scientist did a study, and found that people who drink coffee are 40% less likely to kill themselves.

But there's an exception to every rule.

Severus fell to the floor, paralyzed and unable to speak. I knelt and kissed his soft lips for the last time.

"Never forget that I love you, Severus," I whispered. Tears fell from my eyes as I stood and ran. I discarded my jacket, my shoes, my socks. Everything but the tank top and skirt I was wearing. My hair flew wildly and I panted, and I continued to run still. I ran and ran all the way to the Astronomy tower. Yes, it's borderline cliché now, but it was the only means I had to end myself.

Heh, puns. Even when I'm trying to kill myself, I am fucking hilarious!

I stood at the top of the tower, casting a spell over myself to make sure my soul would be bound to this school. Part of it would bind itself to Severus, making him able to touch and hold me as if I were actually there, and I could go wherever he goes. Magic is cool!

I caught my breath, brushed the hair from my face, and stepped up onto the barrier, finally for the last time. I looked back. No footsteps frantically running to save me. No shouting. Perfect silence everywhere.

No one was in the courtyard below. It was rainy, but there was concrete below me. I wouldn't aim for the grass. I would break every bone in my body, but not feel a bit of it. I would finally die and deprive Voldemort of a great weapon. Tom may be the heir of Slytherin, cunning and sly, but I am the heir of Ravenclaw, wise and daring. I was going to be wise, and dare to defy that moron.

Oh sweet Merlin. Enough monologuing!

I tossed my wand behind me, spread my arms as if I were a phoenix, and flew. I flew faster and faster towards the ground. I didn't kick and flail and scream. But I did weep. Severus would miss me, but he wouldn't have to. I wouldn't miss anyone but him. My life would be over if I didn't do this anyway, right?
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When your body hits the ground, you expect there to be a deafening crack! But there's not. There is silence.

I couldn't hear the pattering rain. I could see it, feel it, smell it. But not hear it. I stood from the slippery ground, expecting to slip and fall, or even feel wet. Instead, I felt nothing. I looked down and saw my lifeless body laying in the mud, mangled and broken. Every bone, shattered. The hairs of my head surrounded my head. I had turned over to watch the sky as I fell. Blood poured from the back of my head, my brain flattened. There were still tears in the eyes.

I didn't recognise the form at my translucent feet. Bare, milky feet. I examined myself. I felt like a human, but I looked like Helena Ravenclaw. Well, I looked like myself, but with her complexion. First one student, then two, then a swarm of students and staff ran out and screamed. Professor McGonagall nearly fainted at the sight of my body, and I searched the crowd for another face.

The girls who became my friends were weeping. Everyone who ever bullied me was shocked and had looks of guilt on their faces. Then, all at once, everyone looked at me. My ghostly form, that it.

"Why?" demanded McGonagall. "WHY?!?" She was in tears. I placed a hand on her shoulder. Since I was bound to the school, McGonagall could feel me.

"It was either this, or let Voldemort torture me in front of Severus, and make him watch as he killed me himself."

"Severus will be furious!"

"Perhaps, but hating me would be better for him than letting his heart get shattered by the Dark Lord." She wept more and more. Then Dumbledore came quickly with Severus running in front of him. He must have run here as soon as the potion wore off, because his shirt was still missing. He stood, glaring at me. His eyes moved between the corpse and me.

"Mark today for my Death Day Party next year. April 26." The rain poured down and Severus fell to his knees in front of me. I knelt and wrapped my spectral arms around him. The spell worked. He looked up and I put a hand on his face.

"You did the spell you've been studying. You bound yourself to me."

"Half to you, half to Hogwarts. It was my home, after all." I stood and pulled him to his feet.

"Am I excused from classes now?" I asked jokingly.

"MY OFFICE. NOW!" Dumbledore boomed. I flinched and let go of Severus's hand.

"Why didn't you wait? We could have resolved this!"

"No we couldn't have. Voldemort commanded Snape to imprison me as soon as the school year ended. Then I would be tortured into submission, or killed. I refuse to become a Death Eater, and I wasn't going to give that bastard the satisfaction of hurting me and killing me. And I couldn't let Severus watch that. I had bound myself to him and this school, so I am corporeal to him and I can be a part of the school. Sir, as a descendant of Rowena Ravenclaw, I'm naturally going to hold some wisdom. Why do you doubt that?"

"I didn't realize you had thought this out so well. What do you wish for us to do with the body?"

"Burn it," I shrugged. "Burial at sea. Burn me with my wand in my hands, and make sure nothing is left." He wrote it down and dismissed me.

"Oh, and Posey?" I turned and looked at him. "Your mother would be proud." If ghosts could cry, I would have been bawling my eyes out!

I moved through the walls, trying to find my way to Severus's chambers. What I found by accident instead were three sets of people having sex in bathrooms and empty classrooms. I decided to mess with them.

"Are you two using protection? We know what kind of accidents can happen when you don't use your wand properly." A girl screamed, one guy covered himself, and one guy asked me to join them.

"I don't think so. I'm way too old for you!" I then floated through the wall and eventually made my way to Severus's quarters. He was still furious.

"WHY?!?" he demanded. I flinched a little, but floated over to him and placed my hands on his shoulders.

"Severus, you know if I didn't, Voldemort would have. He would have made you watch, too. I couldn't let you watch me die, and I could not give old Snake Breath the satisfaction of hurting us both at the same time." He hung his head, but I lifted his chin and smiled. "Hey. I've bound my soul to you, as well as the school. I'll have a portrait somewhere, probably in your quarters. You can touch me. It's like I'm really here, I just can't get hurt now."

"And I can see the wall through you! Stop trying to justify your suicide!" He shoved me away from him and slammed a hand on his desk. Then he shoved it and flipped it over.

He was in a rage.

He destroyed the room before falling to his knees and shouting, "ATROPOSE I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE DEAD! IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME!"

"Severus, I never said it would be the same. I just pointed out that to you, I am corporeal! I didn't have to bind myself to you! I love you too, and that's why I did this! So you wouldn't have to see me tortured and killed by a man with no heart! I went peacefully!" He looked up, tears spilling from his eyes and sweat dripping off his brow. I embraced him and he reluctantly put his arms around me.

"At least I can still hold you," he sniffed. "I can never forgive you, but I can, and will, always love you."

THE END