Little Brother~

Pain or Pleasure?

"YAH JUNGKOOK WAKE UP! IT'S ALREADY 2PM!" Jungkook opened his eyes and blinked a few times. He sat up looking around and realised that he had slept in, they had practice in half an hour... Jungkook ran to his closet and threw on the longest sleeved thing he owned, which turned out to be a sweater, and some jeans. Despite the hot weather he couldn't exactly wear shorts and a regular T. shirt because people would see his scars. He then kicked the box with his new self harm kit under his bed and unlocked the door, running downstairs to see everyone angrily waiting. I only took 18 minutes exactly so why were they looking so pissed off? They all got into the van and Jungkook just felt thankful that they waited for him today. After a long and stressful rehearsal where they criticized everything Jungkook did, as they had been for a while now, part of Jungkook's new routine of self hatred, Jungkook couldn't wait to get back home. When he got back he ran upstairs to his room and repeated the process from the day before, laying out his equipment along his bed, sitting down crossed legged in the centre, he pulled off his sweater. He threw it on the floor not really caring about being neat and tidy before picking up the blade.

Jungkook felt pure bliss and happiness as he slid the blade across his skin, cutting open the cuts from before and also making new ones. It was a feeling of pure satisfaction and he couldn't wait to run the blade further across his skin making more beautiful marks. He couldn't quite describe the feeling... It didn't really hurt but it didn't really... NOT hurt... It was just soothing and relieving to him in some unknown way and it made him think that he could literally handle anything that Min Jun's presence threw at him. Like before he still didn't blame Min Jun. It's his Hyung's that were the problem. No not his Hyung's anymore, they don't deserve that title. Something snapped inside Jungkook, listening to the darkest voice in his mind he made a longer cut on his thigh and then dropped the razor on the bed, rolling back and signing in relief. Laying there blissfully he thought to himself on what he should do about the other members before falling asleep slightly.

"Kookie... Its Namjoon... Dinner is ready..." Jungkook shot up and looked down noticing he hadn't tended to his cuts, he grimaced at the blood on his bed and quickly rapped them sloppily before throwing his tools back into their box and stashing it under his bed, he reached out to the door and then noticed he hadn't put clothes on yet. Running to his wardrobe he pulled out puma sweats and threw them on with some socks to hide a satisfying cut on his foot. Opening the door he came face to face with Namjoon who smiled before seeing the blood on his sheets. "Oh that! I-I had a nose bleed... lets go eat Namjoon" walking on ahead he missed Namjoon freeze at the use of his name, picking up on the fact he wasn't called hyung by the Maknae. When Jungkook got downstairs he took his seat without looking anyone in the eyes. 

Jungkook was silent all through dinner, he didn't speak and as usual he didn't pick up his fork. What was the point when all it did was making him vomit and come close to mild convulsions? He looked around at the other members and Min Jun, they were all being so attentive to the toddlers needs and ignoring him... Why couldn't the attention be shared? Why couldn't we both be adored and loved? Because you're not the cutest anymore, you're not the youngest. You're not even the Maknae anymore! He angrily stood up, pushing the stool back so hard it fell over. Everyone froze staring at him before Jin finally spoke up. "YAH JUNGKOOK! IT'S RUDE TO STAND UP AND MAKE A FUSS IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER! PICK UP YOUR CHAIR AND SIT DOWN YOU SPOILED BRAT!" Jungkook decided that instead of crying this time he'd do what he decided to earlier. And it was truly something.

To say Jungkook was mad would be putting it lightly, so Jungkook turned to Jin and spoke 4 words in a loud and sassy tone. "OH FUCK OFF SEOKJIN!" Everyone froze, Jimin quickly covered the toddlers ears despite it being too late for him to have not heard it, luckily he was too young to say it or even to pay any attention, he just continued eating his rice. Jin however, was shocked and he stared wide eyed with his mouth open. "What... What did you say... what did you call me?" Everyone's heads turned then to look at Jungkook as he rolled his head and then looked back at the elder. "You. Fucking. Heard. Me. KIM. SEOKJIN. FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! IM TIRED OF YOU BEING LIKE THIS TO M-" before Jungkook could even finish releasing the weeks of anger he had pent up inside him... Jin had struck him hard across the face. The feeling was different to when he had cut into his skin... This hurt ALOT. He raised a hand to the cheek and felt it heating up below his hand as the others ran to restrain Jin and keep him back. But the damage was done... Jungkook didn't like this pain at all, this pain wasn't what he wanted, he had never been struck by his Hyung's before... So he ran... He ran to his room and locked the door crying hard on his bed.

Jungkook ran into the bathroom mirror and saw the red hand print still on his cheek minutes later, he admired the sparkle in his eyes from the tears. He didn't see anything appealing about who was staring back at him. He cried harder at this and started thinking back to Jin's slap, it wasn't like cutting, cutting was pleasure... What Jin did was pure pain...