They Call Me Blades (Harry Styles)

Chapter 6

“They only ask how you’re doing to hear you say ‘Fine.’ I learned I was supposed to be fine.” -“One Color”  By: Renee Schminkey & Neil Hilborn

"I love you, Little Mouse. Please know that I love you." she whispers as I, once again, put new bandages on her wrist. I look up at her and give her a small smile. I know this. She tells me every time I find her, with blood stained skin and a cigarette between her teeth.

"I have only ever loved you. You are my only family, and-" she stops mid-sentence and takes a sorrowful drag of her cigarette. "And I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. I should be the one protecting you, saving you. I'm supposed to be like a big sister to you but all I do is fuck everything up." I hate when she says things like this. 

"Porter please," my voice cracks and my eyes well with tears. I'm not even sure how to finish that sentence. What am I asking? Please don't be sad? Please stop doing this to yourself?

"Porter please, please don't leave me."

"Lissa! Lissa!" I hear someone calling me, there's only one person on the planet that calls me that. My eyes shoot up and Porter's face blurs and turns into one of a male.

"It was just a dream, Lissa. Please look at me." Jax's voice calms me slightly as my breathing returns to normal. I look into the familiar blue eyes of my foster brother, to find a worried expression on his features.

"You're shaking like a damn leaf and your sweating like crazy too. What happened?"

"It was just a bad dream I guess. I don't even remember it." I lie terribly. Jax sees right through my facade but I change the subject before he can say something.

"What time is it?" I look at him and he picks up my phone from beside my bed.

"It's almost three a.m." He says simply and I let out a sigh. It is both too late and too early to be awake. I want to just roll over and try to fall back asleep, but I have to be awake in a few hours anyway so their seems like no point. Plus I really don't want to see what my unconscious mind has in store for me. It's bad enough that I think about Porter almost all of the time, but I have to see her when I fall asleep too.

"She loved you Ellis. It wasn't because of you." I know exactly who he's talking about without actually saying the name. It's almost like he read my mind and knew exactly who I was thinking about. I have no idea what to say to Jax because all topics concerning Porter are off limits with me. I don't want to talk about it and he should know that.

"Jax, please don't. I'm begging you I really don't want to discuss this with you. It's too early and I'm so tired." I plop back down on my mattress.

"Thank you for checking on me but I'm fine." I say to him and close my eyes again, maybe if I pretend to fall back asleep he will leave.

* * * * 

"Just come with me, Lissa!" Jax says while taking a bite of his lunch.

"I already told you, I don't want to." I roll my eyes as he play pouts, his pierced nose flaring. He practically had to drag me into the cafeteria to sit with him at lunch today and now he thinks I'll go with him to a party?

"You know I hate shit like that." I whine and pick at the food in front of me. 

"It'll be fun I promise. Plus none of the popular kids will be there." Jax says and points to the table right in front of us. I look over the faces of the people seated there, and only one stands out. The bright green of Harry's eyes is something utterly impossible to over-look. He sits there, with a not-so-amused expression on his face as the others talk around him. Now that I'm thinking about it, I have only ever seen Harry smile a few times. Once when coach Lee introduced me to him, and the other when we talked on the bus about my speed reading. His smile was warm and genuine, I wonder why he doesn't do it that often. In my opinion he should have everything to smile about, a full ride soccer scholarship, tons of girls fawning over him, and, if he wanted them, tons of friends.

"Yeah none of them, except that Harry guy." I hear Jax's friends Lucas says and I snap my attention back to the present.

"Why would Harry go to your guys' party?"

I don't intend to sound mean but, in all honesty, people like Jax and Lucas don't socialize with the likes of Harry.

"He wants to get laid." Lucas scoffs and I look at him curiously.

"You see Lissa," Jax looks at me and motions towards Harry, "he comes to the parties, picks a girl, fucks her, and then leaves."

"It's kind of weird, he doesn't drink, doesn't talk, doesn't do anything really except stand around until he finds a girl he wants." Lucas adds.

"Oh lovely." I say sarcastically and and turn back to Harry. I can't say that I know him well, or even at all, but he seemed nice the few times I've talked to him. I guess I thought his reaction to what he saw on my arms made him . . . caring? He was in no way sympathetic or anything but when it he saw them, he seemed like he sort of cared, in his own way. I know people at this godforsaken school don't give a fuck about me, so I don't know why I think he's different. Regardless of him caring or not this new information somewhat surprises me. I guess I really have no idea who this guy is.

HARRY'S POV

Oh my God Mika shut the fuck up.

"Harry and I went out to dinner last night and we had a great time. Didn't we Harry?" She looks up at me and then leans into my side.

"It wasn't just us Mika, our parents wanted to go to dinner together and drug us along." I say bluntly and scoot farther away from her. I swear Mika is the definition of 'can't take a damn hint'. She looks a little disarmed by my response but quickly recovers.

"Look at that." Mika's bitchy friend Izzy points to the table across from us.

"Why would Blades be in here? Doesn't she hide in that smelly office all day? That's pathetic." I look up when Mika says that awful nick-name and see Ellis sitting right in front of me. Her brown and green eyes move rapidly across the pages of the book sitting in her lap. She looks as if she's in her own little world, like the words she is reading hold more meaning than whats actually going on around her. 

 "Blades!" Mika yells and Ellis' head snaps up, eyes going from somewhat peaceful to purely scared when she realized who is trying to get her attention. Her eyes lock on to mine for a moment before looking at Mika and she wears an expression that looks like she might pass out. As Mika stands up and walks towards Ellis' frail body, her eyes catch mine once again. It's like her gaze has captured me and wont let me go, she is silently begging me to help her. If this was a different world and I was a different person I would stand up and tell Mika to go to hell. I would go and sit by Ellis and talk to her and get to know her. Ellis and I could become friends even. But that isn't reality, so I stay sitting and wait to see what Mika will do this time.

A/N

OKAY SO THIS CHAPTER IS A BIT SHORTER THAN MOST BUT I JUST WANTED TO GET IT UP! I KNOW I'M A LITTLE SHIT FOR NOT UPDATING VERY MUCH BUT I SHOULD GET BETTER ONCE SUMMER STARTS!! ANYWAY IF YOU'RE READING THIS I LOVE YOU!!

-XOXOXO,

DELIA