They Call Me Blades (Harry Styles)

Chapter 5

A/N: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE! ILY!

"That's the thing about pain," Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. "It demands to be felt."-The Fault in Our Stars By: John Green

We sit there for a few minutes in silence, I'm really not sure what I should say, so I decide to just say nothing. Good plan, Ellis. I figure just sitting in silence might be awkward enough for Harry to drop the subject.

"What makes you do it?" he asks, catching me off guard. What am I supposed to tell him? The truth? That I hate myself and am completely dead inside? I only really just met this guy, so I'm not about to give him the run down of my little sob story. I shrug my solders in response and pick at my nails.

"There has to be a reason, people don't just do that." He motions to my arm and I cringe, not wanting to talk about this. My mind starts racing a million miles a minute and I can feel myself slowly getting consumed by another attack. The only thing I can think of to stop it is simply shutting Harry down. I know it isn't the nicest way to go about things, but it's all I can think to do

"Listen," I look at him in the eyes, "no o-one else has ever done anything bu-but laugh at me. You don't have to fe-eel sorry for me or o-or give me your pity because I don't need it." I speak very quietly and stand up to put the plastic bags back in their place. I expect Harry to say something, but when I turn back around he's gone.

*****

"Up, Ellie, up!" Lily reaches her arms out for me to hold her. I kneel down and scoop her into my arms, making her giggle and squirm.

I love that when I walk in the front door, Lily and Griff run up to me with smiles and hugs. It makes anything going on in my life seem less horrible, if only for a short time.

"Ellis, good to see you, my sweet girl." Kay says and pulls me into a hug. I return it awkwardly, still holding Lily and Griff grabing on to the material of my jeans. We walk into the kitchen and I see Tom sitting at the table. I sit in one of the chairs adjacent to him while Lily and Griff stand next to me. They have never warmed up to Kay and Tom very much, it's like we're a separate family living in the same house. Kay and Tom have always fostered the "troubled" cases along with both having full-time jobs, so they are always busy. I guess in the cluster of daily life we just formed this separation, that and the twins' condition.

It was quite a surprise for everyone that Lily and Griff warmed up to anyone, let alone the most troubled person in this entire house. They have a severe type of autism so they get very overwhelmed when other people are around. It's really hard to watch when they have an episode and sometimes the only thing that can calm them down is me singing to them. It's quite ironic because me singing was the only thing that could calm Porter down, too. Kay calls it a miracle that they have grown so close to me, and I can't disagree, they have helped me as well. In ways I can't even fathom. I notice they are still standing at my side so I turn to them and quietly tell them it's okay to sit down, and they hesitantly climb onto the chairs next to me.

"It is wonderful to see you, Ellis," Tom says and takes a sip from the mug in front of him. Kay puts a plate of chicken and mashed potatoes in front of me along with my pill and a glass of water. I smile to her and take the pill, I've learned that there is no point in arguing about this anymore. Kay wants me to weigh at least 105 before she can trust me to be able to look after my own nutrition again, which is almost 15 pounds away.

"We are very proud of your progress, Ellis. Your health is now more stable and you are getting closer and closer to our goal weight for you. Not to mention what you have done for Lillian and Griffeth." I nod and take a bite off of my plate. What is he getting at?