Her Not So Fairytale

1.Her

"If you can’t let go, if you can’t forgive, if your thoughts are about revenge and feeling sorry about yourself, you won’t move on; you will stay stuck."

Sria

I glanced at the screen of my mobile where the words forwarded on a social site are mocking at me; a sad smile appeared on my lips reading them. I wondered whether the person who posted this quote really know the true meaning behind those words or was it just another heart touching quote for him. It surely did create turmoil in ‘my’ mind as I felt the words were just meant for me. It did tug some loose threads of my mind but my turmoil was because of the reason behind this uneasiness.

Discarding my phone on the small coffee table in my balcony I pondered over those words.

I believed I did let go of my past a long time ago and it is not like I had to forgive someone. And how could one forgive his own fate and would it change anything?

My thoughts were not exactly about revenge, how could one take revenge upon himself for even being born, for dreaming happiness when fate snatched away those years before? I knew it was my mistake to hope when nothing was in my favour. Yet it was the only way I could save herself from falling into the abyss of depression.

My thoughts reminded me ‘those’ words of my distinct past, the same words which compelled me to hope. 'Sri, Never lose your hope’ - the words were spoken with so much love and tender which is the very reason why I believed them in the first place. The voice had turned faint and blurred but the words are still clear, and the touch of love in it can be unmistakably recognised.

May be those words were the only means which gave me hope to live a little.

Then, I already gave up on feeling sorry about myself as I knew it won’t change my life rather make me vulnerable and weak, which I could never allow. Moreover, I believed I moved on, a long time back from those memories of past but what about those nightmares which still hunts me down?

I always had this faith in myself that wherever the fate may lead me into, I would always emerge as the winner.  I may sound overconfident to many but it was the only force within me pushing me forward in life.

My  life  had always been of my choices and decisions and it was the same reason why I did not have many number of regrets to count on.  Similarly, today when I gazed at the city in all its late night glory from the balcony of my studio apartment, I was not regretting the latest decision of my life to quit my job.  The thought had been running in my mind for a while but initially I was not sure about the alternatives.  And today completing my notice period of one month I finally got out of the place which did not give me much memories other than that of the first job I had, based on my degree.

 The sudden resignation might feel a rash or silly move for an outsider but for someone like me who lived her life on her own terms this definitely was not. A girl in her mid-twenties decided to quit her two-year old job as it does not excite her anymore may sound insane to anyone. Even my best friend felt so when I delivered her the news one month back. That was not even the main part. The girl was on her own with no one to depend on other than herself. And she suddenly once out of blue moon decided to resign her job, her only source of living. Sounds crazy? I would not blame anyone if they think that I was a nutcase because somewhere I did believe that I was.

‘To keep up with this madding world you have to be little crazy, right?’

A small smile played on my lips when I realized that from today I officially belonged to the jobless group of this city. But I was certainly sure that it would not stop me from pursuing my dreams.