-----A few days later------
We were at the venue for our third show of tour, when my mind decided to plunge me headlong into one of the worst feelings ive ever experienced, an anxiety attack. They always happened at the most inconvenient times, I swear. But nonetheless, here I was. So many things running through my head.
I cant go out there. What if they don't like me. Who am I kidding. Who does like you, Gaskarth. You don't stand a chance out there. Not even Jack likes you. I mean look at you. You're God awful.
"Lex?.. Alex!" Jack yelled at me, snapping me from my thoughts, tears formed in my eyes, and I ran. As fast as I could.
~Jack~
I called after Alex, knowing it was no use. He must be having another attack, is what that usually meant. I sighed, sat down my guitar and ran after him. This was a big venue, and there were many places he could be, and not even five hours until the show.
"Lex.. Baby where are you?" I called, earning nothing but silence. I walked around a while longer, before getting any kind of idea where he was.
"Hey, what's up with Alex? I seen him run into the bathroom earlier.." Zack trailed, pulling at the hem of his shirt.
"Oh my God, thank you! Ill explain later!" I yelled, running to the bathroom and knocking lightly on the door. No answer.
"Lex, baby let me in.. I'll make it better.. I'll make it go away, I promise..." I said quietly against the door. It took a lot of convincing, and a lot of pleading, but finally he unlocked the door, and I opened it, closing and locking it behind me.
"God I'm so happy you're safe..." I cooed, pulling him into my arms. I silently thank whatever has allowed him to be okay, after what happened a few years ago, walking in and seeing him unscathed was a very good feeling, that is until he pushed me away.
"Lex..? Why did you... " I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I looked at him questioningly. He huffed.
"You don't love me Jack. No one does.. Who would love something like me.." he started out yelling.. but by now his voice was just a whisper, and it hurt. He thinks I don't love him? Why? What have I done that's said otherwise?..
"I do love you.. Lex I love you more than anything in the entire world.. You're so perfect to me.." I pulled him back into my arms, holding him tight against me as he cried almost silently. I leaned back a little, looking at him, he always looked so vulnerable during these times, shaking and tear stained. I lightly ran my fingers through his hair, running a thumb along his cheek.
"I love you so much, Lex.. so so much.. I do, and Rian and Zack love you. And all the fans, they love you too. We all do, but I love you most.." I said quietly, and lightly kissed his head.
I stood up, and picked him up, unlocking the door and carrying him to the dressing room. I laid him on the couch and laid down beside him, immediately he cuddled against my side and I wrapped my arms around him, I knew he'd be exhausted.. these things always hit him so hard.
I kissed him softly, and held him close to me until he fell asleep, I followed soon after.
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I have such horrible block right now ;-; I'm so sorry... but its good enough, yeah? ~Ashlyn <3
Word Count: 588
