Drowning

Part 2

"So. What do you do in your free time, Leo?" 

Ever since I stopped being friends with Danny, I started to hang out with Tim. Its been at least a week and Tim actually likes me. There was a few times I would fall in the hallway because of the bullies in the school. I found out nothing about him. I don't ever pay attention to what he's saying. I'm too caught up in my thoughts. 

"Art. Music. You know. The usual." 
"Oh. How do you like video games?"
"They're ok."

At first I thought he was annoying but he was just caring for me. He's a sweet kid. He's nice. He's like a little firefly.

"What about Mario?"
"I like Mario Kart. I'm actually quite good at it."
"I'm not."

He's just there for me. I got his phone number saved in my phone. We text a lot. Mainly random words but it feels nice.

"Maybe you can come over sometime and we can play. I can help you get better."
"You just want to tease me, Leo." 
"You caught me haha"

He never hurts me. He's always asking me how I am. He noticed I don't eat during lunch and will ask me if I had breakfast. I used to lie and say no but one day I slipped up. Ever since then he packs an extra lunch for me.  He knows I'm a health freak and always gives me food I like.

"Do you sing, Leo?"
"Yeah."
"Are you in choir?"
"Not anymore."
"Why?"
"My mom was the only one who supported me in my music and ever since she passed I just couldn't stand to be in choir."
"Oh.."

He asks me if I'm ok when I zone out. He keeps looking at my wristbands. He hugs me a lot. He tells me he cares on a daily basis. He knows.

"Tim."
"Yeah?"
"Why do you talk to me?"
"Because I care. We're friends, Leo."

He can tell I have anxiety. 

"You are worth it, Leo"

He knows I have Depression.

"Smile for me, Leo"

He knows I cut.

"Make sure to take care of yourself."

He knows I hate sleeping.

"Pretend you're with your mom."

He cares.

"I love you, Leo"
"Thats gay, Tim."
"We're best friends. Can't we be a little gay?"
"I guess, Shortie."
"Watch it, idiot." 
"No. Haha"

He really cares.

But. He doesn't make the pain go away all the time.

"Im sorry, Tim.." 
"Its ok, Leo."
"Do you hate me?"
"Never."
"Will you leave?"
"No."
"Why are you crying?"
"Because I care, Leo."

He cares.
And I know he does.
But.
I still want to kill myself.