Drowning

Part 9

One day while me and Tim were chatting in the hallway as we walked, Danny. Yes, Danny fucking Jones. My ex best friend. Walked up to me and Tim. "Hey, dudes. Can we talk?" I looked at Tim who seemed pretty chill. I sighed, "Sure, Danny." He smiled. "U-uhm. The winter dance is in a few weeks so I was wondering if you guys could help me set it up? I'm on the committee and well we don't have enough people." I look at Tim and he shrugs. "We don't have anything better to do." I sigh, "Why would a popular guy like you ask us outcasts to help?" Dannys face fell. "I'm.. Not popular anymore." He looked down and sighed shakily. "I-I guess that's a no... S-sorry for being an ass.." He went to walk away but Tim grabbed his arm to my suprise. "Danny, right? I'll help and I'm sure Leo here wouldn't mind." Tim glared at me, as if to tell me to agree. I sighed. "Fine. Yeah. I'll do it." Danny perked up and hugged both of us with his skinny frame. "My god, thank you!" He walked off and I glared at his back. "Leo.. Why were you so mean to him." I sighed, "No reason. Say. Want to see me play piano?" Tim smiled brightly and nodded.

"So, Why did you say yes to help?" "Well, I saw him being bullied yesterday." I dropped my mouth, "Wait really?" I opened the door to the music room. "Yeah. Something about being a gay fagg." I went over to the piano. "I'm guessing he's got no friends..." "I tried to help, Leo. But he still seemed a bit down. That's why I said yes to helping. I don't trust him but I want to be nice." "Makes sense... If I knew I would've been nicer.." "Yeah. Well. Now you know." "Yeah." I sit down in front of the keys and start to play some undertale music, watching Tims face light up in amazement. "OH MY GOD" "This is why I asked if you liked undertale." He gasped. "So good!"

Tim probably cares more about Danny

no
He's lying about even liking you.
No
You haven't even kissed since spring break
I know but its because of school
That's not an excuse
Shut up

He doesn't like you

Shut up

"Leo?" 

I realize I started crying and smile at Tim, continuing to play. "Hm?"
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah. Just remembering about my mom.." I lied, knowing he won't question me.
He stayed silent the rest of the lunch period, listening to me play.

Trigger warning for cutting

When school was over Tim gave his usual hug goodbye and headed home. 
When I went home I went straight to my room, pulling out the blades that collected dust. 
You're worthless.

He doesn't like you

You'll lose him

I didn't realize how many cuts I put in till I looked down and saw the blood, deep cuts in my wrist were bleeding tremendously, I felt dizzy. I cried my eyes out into my pillow, getting blood on the pillowcase. I fell asleep like that on the bed, my head buried in a pillow, my wrist underneath.

I'm drowning in my own tears again.

It feels like losing mom all over again.

And I dreamt about her dying...