Life of an Indian failure{completed}

Reason 5 (contd.)

It had been a month, my brother was still in the hospital, critical.. And my results were to come that day, at about 3pm.

I still had no friends, and I no more considered myself a part of my family, in fact, I didn't even have a family anymore, I was sitting in the waiting room, outside the ICU, all alone, with my mother at work, and my father with his lovely wife.

I sat, with a blank expression on my face, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. I lived only for the sake of living, not because I wanted to, no no... I had given up long back, you might say I was expecting the tables to turn, my answer to that would be 'no' too.

Why I lived? I really don't know, there was nothing in my life that drove me up the hill, no... I suffered sleepless nights, while my brain debated on whether I should go cut myself or not. Of course, I never did. I guess my conscience was strong..

"Alia!! Catch Roshni!", Nisha yelled, pointing to a Roshni who was running away from Nisha, with a mischievous grin spread across her cute little face, I ran after her, and finally caught up, Nisha's face lit with excitement at the fact that Roshni had been caught,

I ran to Nisha to give her a hi-fi,

"KEYYY!!!",

I looked behind, and to my surprise, Roshni had vanished, I looked around and saw her running with Arnav, Roshni had already been caught twice, just one more time, and she'd have to take den... Oh how I loved playing 'lock and key'..

I felt a tear peep out, but I rolled my eyes, I can't cry, it's no use.

I looked up at the light, and tried to stop thinking about the diamonds I once had, I knew I was about to break down, so I went inside the ICU.. Why you ask? I've learnt to not cry in front of my brother, it hurts him when I cry, so I don't cry at all.

He lay there, unconscious, with a huge plaster against his back, his head was bandaged too, and he had the oxygen mask on his mouth. I went closer, and slightly pressed his hand, I heard the ECG beep, as it made continues curvy lines, I felt a tear roll from my eyes, and drop straight on his hand.

I wished he could open his eyes and look at me, and tell me he was okay, and just pull me into a hug, and tell me I'll be fine too, that all my sorrows would soon vanish, and that he and I would be a part of a proper family again, and that I would be surrounded by my friends in no time at all...

I knew I was hoping for too much, but don't we all?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lia? ",

"Dad? Oh, and Lola",

"Yeah bug, I heard you were here, didn't wanna leave you alone.",

"I'm fine, you can go",

"I'm not just leaving.. I'll stay bug.",

"Whatever",

I took my phone out and logged on to Instagram, I occasionally looked up, only to find Lola fixing me with some unusual death stares, I scrolled and scrolled, and I saw so many new posts, from so many people, I hadn't checked insta for about a month or two.. So I was flooded with notifications... From all those people I once called 'friends', everybody had atleast one picture. Everybody except Nisha.

Roshni didn't have an account on Insta, but that never stopped me and Nisha from putting our '#friendshipgoal' pictures..

I was internally thankful that Nisha and Rosh didn't brag about their friendship in front of me.. You know how it is right? In front of you, they laugh, and hit eachother, and you know it's just to make you feel bad..

But Nisha and Rosh didn't do that, in fact even they were sad, they were lifeless too, they just walked around, doing pretty much nothing. Nisha stopped talking to Arnav, completely. Just as she did with me..

They didn't post any photos of themselves having fun, they didn't try to make me feel bad for what I had done, even though not my complete fault, but they didn't know that right?.. According to them, I had never tried to stop Arnav.. And that hurts, it hurts they wouldn't give me even a chance to speak to them, it hurts that a life lasting friendship had to break because of a boy, it hurts...

And even at a time like that, hey didn't brag about their existing friendship to make me feel jealous, I think they knew I was going through enough...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I as usual lay in my bed, just staring at the walls, lost in a dream, a dream I wish were true..

My mom was in the hall, she had come home early, it was 3:30pm, my results had been postponed to 4pm..

I lay on my bed, and I heard a message, I rolled to the corner, and picked up my phone... Hoping it was from Nisha.. But nope, some advertisement.

I went down and fixed myself something to eat, I put some cereal in a bowl, and took it to my room, I hardly ever felt hungry these days, I was never hungry, nor was I sleepy... That's what depression did.. But I hadn't gone to the extent of cutting myself yet.. I guess I was just hoping for a miracle, that would change my life.

"Alia! It's 4pm!",

I rushed to the computer, switched it on, and my mother walked into the room, I logged on, and...... Everybody was checking the results then, so it took time to load, my mom sat on my bed, breathing heavily... I had no expectations, i knew it hadn't been well, but I wasn't very worried, the situation I was put in, would be reason.. And my mother being the 'hard worker' that she is, earned A LOT.. And we also had my dad's alimony, so, I could still go to a good college, it would take money, and that we had plenty..
I knew it would be above 50%.. I could go to a good college with 50% ..

Oh, it finally loaded, I scrolled down, and my heart stopped, as I read the result, I felt my knees shake, and a whimper left my lips, as I read the letters..

F-A-I-L...