Ice Blue [ Book One ]

10 // Abandonment

Your fingertips trace my skin
To places I have never been
Blindly, I am following
Break down these walls and come on in
I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night, night
Drunk on a feeling, alone with the stars in the sky
I've been running through the jungle
I've been running with the wolves
To get to you, to get to you

• • •

The month dragged by slowly, very slowly. It was agonizing. Seeing as Princeton and his family were kinda the only friends I actually had around here, I was sort of lonely. I tried to involve myself when one of the wolves asked me but it never lasted long. There's usually that one wolf who has a prejudices and wants me gone. To avoid conflict and to not have the pack at each other's throats, I politely dismiss myself and let myself be confined to my own thoughts.

When alone, I realized that my grief rose. The loss of my unborn child would haunt my dreams and I would wake up screaming, but nobody would come running to my side to comfort me. I would sit and cry, and cry, and cry before I was literally passing out from the amount of crying I did. I slept until noon or later. I ate less every day, because the night terrors and crying would leave me without much of an appetite. My mood decreased, and my bed started being my go-to place.

My state was weakened without them, and I hated it. I hated that I needed that damn family to be on my ass all the time about eating, I hated that they dragged me out of bed each morning to be socially active.

I hated that Princeton chased my nightmares away, and that he was the one that made the grief easier to deal with. They didn't even try to call me during the time they were gone. The delta explained that this was normal; usually these pack meetings kept the families too busy to keep an active contact with the pack.

About a week before Princeton's expected return, my Feline demanded to be out. She had allowed me to wallow and she sat back as I woke up each night covered in sweat and cried for hours before going back to sleep. She knew I was weakening, and she had decided that she would teach me a better way to handle things.

I edged myself to the forest, my feet dragging themselves. My hands were stuffed in the pockets of my hoodie as I stared blankly ahead. Feline was showing her irritation for my lack of activity and shoved herself against the front of my head. My head throbbed in response, painful enough for me to snap out of my fuzzy thoughts.

She growled softly inside my head, as if to encourage my shift. She wanted me to focus, or I wouldn't be able to shift without it being hard to do, not to mention painful. I cleared my head and closed my eyes and listened to the birds call their alarms into the above treetops.

Just as my shift began, I heard a rustle and saw a large wolf with familiar brown eyes. His gaze locked with mine, and all I could see was those warm eyes and that damned coat I knew.

With Princeton on my mind, I turned to the wolf and started to walk over to him but fell to the ground as pain enveloped me. The shift had started and my mind had completely wandered from it, now I had to pay the price.

A small groan escaped my lips, turning into a painful yowl halfway through as Feline expressed her displeasure as my body reformed itself. The wolf watched, but I was unable to see his face.

When the shift was done, my legs were weak and shaky. I was crouching, my thick, long tail curled at my side as I tried to steady myself so as not to fall on my side and catch my tough coat on the undergrowth. I used all of my strength to push myself up.

I regretted it, as I was unable to catch myself before I went tumbling into the abyss.

• • •