Ice Blue [ Book One ]

23 // Damaged

Today I coo, today I caw
I have a pistol party and I kill 'em all
I think I might be scared
Of the man and the men with their hands inside
And the women, oh, the women all they do is cry
And I, well I lose my mind
And now I found brimstone in my garden
I found roses set on fire
And I found Jesus, what a liar
So I trade licks with Muddy Waters

• • •

Packing proved to be more tedious than I believed it to be. I've never traveled anywhere outside of Clan lands during my life there, and I wasn't allowed to bring anything with me when Andy banished me. To say I have never had to truly pack enough for travel is an understatement. I was an absolute mess, trying to figure out what I needed and what would be useless to me.

By some saving grace, Zaria and Misha had been on their way to their room when they paused mid-walk upon, more than likely, seeing clothes strewn across the once neat room with me sitting on the bed, knees drawn to my chest.

They were both in training clothes, Misha wearing a sports bra and a pair of black running shorts, Zaria sporting pink running shorts and a white tank-top. Both looked exhausted and sweaty, so I was surprised to see them come into my bedroom instead of immediately continuing to their own to clean up and rest.

"Hey," Zaria greeted gently, sitting down next to me on the bed and reaching over, hand now resting against my shoulder blade. She and Misha both sat in silence with me for a solid minute before she said, a light drawl to her gentle tone, "It looks like Hurricane Rivera struck. What's going on?"

I pressed my knees closer to my chest, swallowing a lump in my throat and trying to keep my anxiety at an unalarming level. All shifters could sense emotional changes, and it was as bad as it could be good. It meant lying was harder, decompressing emotions to make them seem less intense was a tiring task.

Misha's scent, rosy and mixed with the familiar smells that often lingered on Princeton and his family surrounded me. I found comfort in the scents, but my heart raced like a cheetah in my chest and was not willing to calm. Zaria's mate sat on my other side at a respectful distance, not offering physical touch yet and not speaking. She simply watched me, I think, if the gaze I felt burning into my skin told me anything.

"Has Princeton told you that the Council wants us to go and change our records?" I asked, lifting my chin from my knees but keeping my arms tightly around them. Both females nodded their heads. "Well, I've . . . never been. To the Council Lands. Not many do, but it's . . . I guess it's different for the felines. You know how we are; we're solitary except with each other, and we prefer to keep away from other shifters or any other supernatural species. Very rarely did the Council ever request we go to them rather than them come to us."

"You have a bunch of nervous energy," Zaria concluded, humming afterwards. "You keep looking through your things — packing, unpacking, sorting, and packing again — and when that's all said and done, you still feel restless and so you repeat the process." 

I brought my hand up and rub at my eyes, keeping exhaustion from settling in. "Yeah, you pretty much hit the nail on the head," I confirmed, resting my chin back on my knees and squeezing my arms tighter around my legs. "I just . . . I've never flown before either, never been outside of the town my Clan resides in. I didn't get to go to college when I graduated high school — I didn't want to at the time, not really. Before Andy I really wanted to, I desired nothing more than to get the hell out of that Clan. Get away from my past. It would've been difficult, because it would mean leaving my Clan. It would likely crush me, unless I got transfer approval from my Denari to go to another Clan so I had that bond of one."