Black. White. Grey.: A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfic

Chapter 16: Matching Nails

(Connor’s Pov)

“Ayo I’m just like my country, I’m youn-”

My phone goes off, and I answer, sitting up.

“Connor,” I hear my mother’s voice speak over the phone, “Where have you been? Where are you now?”

“Mom, I’m fine,” I say, rolling my eyes, “I’m with Ev.”

“Alright, um, I have to go; your father is very angry. I’ll drop some clothes off for you here soon, and I need you to stay at Evan’s house for the week.”

“Wait, Mom,” Concern fills my voice, “Mom, what’s going on?”

“Your father and I are arguing. Zoe’s at Alana’s house for a bit, and I just need you two out of the house. Don’t worry, I’ll be over with some clothes soon. I have to go, though. I love you, honey,” She says.

“Bye. Love you too,” I say, hanging up and sighing.

Evan looked at me, and I knew he was expecting an explanation.  

“C-Connor, what-” He said quietly, “What’s going on…?”

“Mom and Dad are fighting again,” Was all I could find to say.

“...Oh,” He was hesitant before speaking.

“Um, but she wants me to stay here for the week if that’s alright. I, um, you don’t have to let me stay over, but--”

“No no no, it’s fine,” He begs, and I just smile at him. He continues to add, “I want you to stay.”

“Alrighty, thanks, Ev,” I say, lying back down and pulling Evan back under my arm. He nods and cuddles on me. He’s so cute.

“Connor…?” His voice trails off a bit, and I just look at him, letting him know that I’m listening. “Connie, I, um… I just,” He looked at the ground, fiddling with his fingers, “I just wanted you to know that, um, you can talk to me… Um, anytime you want because we’re, um…”

I just watch him stumble on his words, smiling slightly at his reddened face. I put my hand in his hair and ruffle it. So fluffy.

“I know, Ev,” I say, kissing his forehead softly. He looked up at me and bit his lip, like he was trying to hold back his blush or something that he knew wouldn’t work. His face was so red, you could take one of those paint cards you get at like a Lowes, for wall painting or something, and hold up a bright magenta colour to his his face; it’d be the same colour.

But he’s so cute when he blushes. He’s so cute when he just… I dunno, exists. His breathing, his fluffy hair, his freckled face, everything.

“I was really scared for you, you know,” He says to me, looking at the ground.

“What?”

“You… You were reported missing for a few days, and I thought you were going to, well, um…”

“I know. I couldn’t leave you like that, I was just-”

“Mad, I know,” He mumbles, taking my hand in his. I assumed he was just wanting to hold my hand, but he pulled up my sleeve to reveal seemingly endless cuts from my wrists to my arms. He didn’t look surprised, but he started to plant kisses on the scars, like he was trying to heal them.

“How did you know-” I say, not quite remembering I told I had cut.

“I assumed you did,” He muttered and kissed my scars some more, “You shouldn’t do this, though.”

“I-”

“No, I’m not mad at you for this, but,” He says, “It breaks my heart to know that you do it. I know you feel alone and afraid sometimes, Connor. I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. I know what it feels like to… To be alone and afraid. So alone that you feel like the darkness is your only friend and s-so afraid that… Thinking that everyone is out to get you, that.. That everyone wants to hurt you… That… things will never get better, and that there is no point in getting better because… Why would there be? But, um… I used to think like that, you know. I don’t anymore, and do you want to know why?” He pauses, “Because I have you. Because we met. And our worlds exploded into colour.”

“I-... Ev,” I say, a sad smile finding its way to my face.

I don’t deserve him.

“I love you so much, Connor,” He mutters.

“I love you too, Evan,” I say, kissing him all over his face. Brighter, happier smiles replace the sad ones once I do.

“And thank you, Evan,” I say, “For… For worrying about me.”

“It’s like, my job to worry about you,” He says, and I just laugh.

“So, um, what do you want to do?” He asks.

“Well…” A mischievous smile hits my face once I stand up. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

I go into his mom’s bathroom and look around for some nail polish and makeup, along with some hairbrushes and hairspray. Oh yes, I think to myself, my little Evan is going to get a makeover.

I grab what I’m looking for and return to him.

“Wh-what are you doing with that stuff?” He asks me, sweating a little bit.

“Exactly what you think I’m going to do with it,” I say, lightly taking his hand and started to paint his nails a blue colour. “Oh Evan, you’re going to look so pretty~” I was going to tease him for a bit because his reactions were just perfect.

“I-uh, oh geez, um… Oh…” His face went red, but he let me give him a makeover. Now, I know how to do a boy’s makeup, because once I finished, it was difficult to tell he was wearing makeup. The only exception was the nail painting, but I wanted the two of us to have matching nails. His nails were blue and had black hearts on them. My nails, which I did after I finished his makeover, were black with blue hearts on them. If Kleinman saw this, he’d probably never let either of us hear the end of it.

But I was glad Evan let me paint his nails and do his makeup, because it was something that I liked to do. Something that’d distract me from everything else. I think he knew that too.

--------------

About an hour after I prettied up Evan, we were cuddling each other on the couch when we heard the doorbell ring.

I stood up and went to go answer it. It was my mom, who had brought some clothes over. She hugged me, and for once, I hugged back. She seemed surprised by this but didn’t say anything; I guess she didn’t want to ruin the moment. That was fine by me.

“I’m sorry,” She mumbled, “I have to go, I love you Connor, and Evan.”

He looked over at her bashfully.

“Thank you,” She flashed him a smile and left.