A Haunted Past

2 - Friday, 13th February

Perched on the very edge of a bench outside, after finally loosing Tristan, I am still breathing fast, not just from the running but from the near panic attack it had caused me. The idea of being caught again, the thought of someone finding me again sends shivers up my spine, makes goosebumps rise on my arms.

"Got ya." It was Tristan, I'm sure I knew that, deep down. I'm sure I knew that as a hand was put on my shoulder it was simply so he could recover from his run, not because he was trying to attack me. Yes. Deep down I would have known this but what did I do?

I screamed. 

I screamed, because instead of realising that this was Tristan, the guy I kind of didn't but did have a crush, I thought that it was someone else, no, something else, the monster that lies under my bed, the darkness in my life. In my mind, I was back there, five months ago, I had been found.

If I had been worried about a panic attack before, then this was something else, I thought I was about to die, so no, I didn't breathe a little fast, I didn't feel like something bad was about to happen, I knew that something bad was going to happen again. 

The hand was no longer on me, instead there was a figure in front of me, I knew who it was and yet I didn't at the same time.

"Don't touch me John! Get away from me!" I started stumbling and shouting trying to get away but I realised I would only anger him more so I quietened my voice and stood as still as a statue, "I thought you were.. how did you find me?"

I only realised my mistake when I looked up 10 seconds later, confused by the lack of response. It was only at this point that I noticed how I wasn't in my bedroom, or my house, I wasn't in any way near him. No, I was at school, with a guy that I knew I probably liked staring at me in confusion, not only that, but it was lesson changeover and everyone headed to drama or music had also apparently seen my outburst, going by their judgemental stares. 

"Kalli, are you okay? I mean I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, hey Kalli, wait, what's wrong?" It was him again, I knew I should apologise but I could barely get the words out, if my crying before was a waterfall then this was a whole ocean, constricting my throat.

Wiping my eyes, I croaked out, "I'm ..I'm sorry Tristan, I didn't mean to yell at you, I'm sorry I freaked out, I've just got a really bad headache, so I'm going to go now.."

I walked away and the crowd parted like the sea, Tristan didn't follow me, probably disgusted by my actions, I wouldn't be surprised if he never struck up a cheerful chat with me again. Hell, if I was him I'd probably avoid me at all costs. I couldn't skip out on school, my parents would be notified if that happened, so the next best option was Mrs Nule, the teacher who appeared to have some sense of hope for me. She was a real parent to me, she actually seemed to care for the fact that sometimes I'm not doing okay. I quickly walked to her office, not wanting anymore people to see me, no matter what. As  I neared she must have seen my tear stained face through the glass door as she immediately rushed to open the door before I could even knock. 

"I'm sorry for intruding, but.. umm.. do you think I could perhaps spend the next lesson or so in here?"

"Of course you can dear, would you like a drink or anything?"

"No, no it's fine, thank you." Ignoring me, she left the room, clearly trying to give me the time I needed to sort myself, that's the way she was, aware of what the other people around her needed, instead of what they wanted. Sighing, I sat down in one of the chairs out of the view of the glass door, just in case anyone I knew walked past, leaning down on the desk I put my head in my hands.

What did I do next? I laughed. I laughed at the absurdness of my entire situation, did I really just completely freak out over a boy putting his hand on my shoulder? I laughed at the simple fact that the old Kalli never would have done that, the old Kalli would already be good friends with Tristan, working on the whole boyfriend idea. I laughed because the old Kalli wouldn't even be here, in a school four hours from where her home was, four hours from where her friends were.