Forever Gone ~ON HOLD~

Forever Gone

I knew I shouldn’t have been driving and I also knew deep down, that something would happen sooner or later if I didn’t start acting more responsibly. As an act of rebellion I started drinking at a young age, and hung around with the wrong crowd. But acting like someone I wasn’t, eventually became the person I was. I went on wild parties instead of studying and got myself into all sorts of problems.

 I looked out my car window, only to see the blur of scenery. Trees started to melt together, pedestrians blurred in and out of sight and the shopping centres looked like a pile of bricks that were strewn everywhere. Time was nothing. I was so out of everything that I didn’t even remember how I ended up at the airport so quickly.

I opened the car door only to miss calculate the distance of me and the next car. I closed the door and looked at the damage. A dent in the red car, with the silver paint chipped all over it from my car. I walked off casually as if it wasn’t me. So many people walked out with the biggest smiles on their face. I knew that would soon be me. I walked up to the glass doors. I couldn’t even focus on my reflection properly. I could just make out what I was wearing in glass. Skinny jeans, a baggy jumper with my blonde curly hair roughly pulled up into a pony tail. I walk up to the door and waited for it to automatically open. I walked in, my shoes slightly slipping on the smooth tiles. I looked down at the lines where the tiles were joined and tried to follow them, my only hope in walking straight so I don’t look so drunk.

 I walked over to the arrivals, bumping into people on the way, and sat down waiting. I looked over at the ramp hoping and wishing the time would come sooner. Everyone was either sitting down or standing up, but by the look on their expressions they showed they were as excited as I was to see their friends and family again.

People finally started walking up the ramp with bags in their hands and suitcases trailing behind them. I stood up eagerly trying to find my brother. He turned the corner of the ramp and I awkwardly ran over to him. He dropped his bags just as I jumped into his arms. Tears ran down my face. I hadn’t seen my brother in over a year. I knew it was my fault. I was in such a bad way that mum sent Jessie off to a boarding school so she had more time on her hands to straighten me out. Least to say it didn’t work.

He was over for Christmas and I promised myself I would be on my best behaviour so he didn’t leave with bad thoughts of me again. He leans back to take a look at me properly. “You’re drunk again aren’t you?” he said with a disapproving voice. I was a year older than Jessie, but he was taller and looked and acted a lot older than me. “Have you been working out,” I said trying to change the subject. It worked. Jessie laughed and nodded, his cheeks burning a bright pink. I missed his laugh, and his smile. Jessie has always been my best friend. Mum sending him away was probably the worst decision she could have made. If anything it made me more distant. Jessie had sometimes helped me and even kept me away from the dangers of the outside world. He knew I would do anything for him and he abused that power by guilt tripping me into staying home instead of going to the parties I had planned to go to.

Jessie’s eyes meet mine; they turned from looking embarrassed to looking like they were on fire.  “Answer my question,” he whispered in my ear. His tone had an angry edge to it; enough to make me wince. I put my hand on his cheek and grabbed a lock of his hair. “Sorry,” I said staring right into his eyes. The first time in a long time I meant it. He picked up his bags and grabbed on to my hand. We started walking to my car in silence; every reflection of me was disgraceful. I looked like a normal eighteen year old girl but I wasn’t. My parents had given up on me, I had no real friends, and I had no future in front of me. I led Jessie to my car and helped him put his bags in the boot. “Everyone’s missed you, you know. Especially me,” I said in a casual tone.

“I missed you two big sis,” he said in a silly voice. I laughed and went to walk to the car door, only to trip over my own foot. Jessie ran over and helped me up. I looked down at the floor and for the first time felt ashamed of who I was. Jessie reached for the car keys but I just pulled them away. “The last drink I had was a few hours ago… I’m fine.”

“No you’re not Emily, look at yourself you can’t even walk to the car door without falling over. Let me drive.” He said in a harsh tone. But his face and eyes said he was nothing but worried about me. I walked to the driver’s side and hopped into the car. “You’re impossible, but sometimes that’s what I love about you. Being impossible meant you could look after me at that horrid primary school mum made us go to.” I laughed and turned the car on.  I pulled out of the parking lot and made the long trip back home. Jessie and I were talking and laughing just like he had never left. Mum had always said we were the best siblings ever. We never fought, and if by chance we did it was over within seconds and we’d be laughing again. Jessie wouldn’t take his eyes of me, my favourite smile was reaching his ears as we mucked around together. I took as much precaution as I could, not taking my eyes off the road. We were five minutes away from our child hood home when I thought that luck was on my side. I was drunk, but I was driving with such precaution that I thought we would arrive home safely. I took a quick glance at Jessie and gave him the biggest smile my mouth would give. I lost concentration for one millisecond, with in that millisecond the yellow light turned to red. I held my breath as we went through the intersection, cars speeding closer to us. Jessie grabbed the wheel trying to dodge the cars. I could hear tyres screeching and someone screaming. Little did I know the screaming was me. I looked into Jessie’s eyes as a four wheel drive crashed into the passenger side.

I woke up to blood everywhere. I looked over at Jessie who was lying over the dash board. I tried to get to him but I was pinned behind the wheel. I screamed out his name as loud as I could. Tears were flooding down my cheeks. I couldn’t breathe, I didn’t know if it was an injury or if it was from screaming Jessie’s name for so long. I blacked out with the image of my brothers unmoving body.

My eyes fluttered open to the noise of a machine beeping. I looked to the side; mum was sitting in a chair across the room. She knew I was awake but she couldn’t bear to look back at me. “Where’s Jessie?” I asked in a shaky voice. Mum walked across the room, and looked me right into the eyes. “It’s all your fault, you didn’t listen to me. I told you, you would end up hurting people with your drinking problems. But you didn’t listen to me. Now because of that my son… your brother is dead.” Mum didn’t even try to break it nicely, if we weren’t in a hospital she would be yelling at me. The full reality of everything finally hit me. I screamed as loud as I could. I drowned myself in my tears. I sat up and curled myself into a ball. I didn’t care about the pain. In fact I liked it, it was nothing compared to what had happened to Jessie. I deserved it and I wanted it to last forever.

hey everyone,

this is my first story that i have posted on wattpad. please comment and tell me what you think (you can tell me the truth!) , and if you like you can vote :P

a little editing stills needs to be done.

I'll update soon x

thanks :)