Forever Gone ~ON HOLD~

surprise

I was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling thinking of how I could change my life. How I could make it better.  But thinking that I could change my life was completely different from actually doing it.  I pulled my iPod out of my hoodie and put the ear phones in my ear. I cranked the music up so loud that it felt like my ears were about the burst.  I closed my eyes and let myself get sucked into the lyrics.

 I felt somebody tap my foot; I pulled my ear phones out and opened one eye to see who it was.  Jason had an amused look on his face. Great so now I was his source of entertainment. I pulled my feet up and sat up giving him room to sit down. Jason shoved a handful of chips in his mouth and then handed the packet to me. "You can have some if you want," I laughed at him as mouthful of chips fell out of his mouth. Did I just laugh? I closed my mouth and looked down at my legs. "Emily, its ok to laugh you know.  Your brother would want you to be happy." I dug my nails into my skin pushing the tears back that wanted to overflow like a water fall. "How do you know what my brother would want for me? You don’t know me! You probably didn’t even know my brother that well," I wanted to scream; I wanted to punch and kick.  "I know you more than you think, your brother talked about you all the time. He idolised you," what the hell? Why would my brother talk about me to some stranger? “My ass you know me," I picked up a cushion and held it to my chest.

Jason stood up and walked out of the room, only to walk back in with an angry expression on his face. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm being nice to you and I'm trying to help you. And all I get is the cold shoulder from you. I'm hurting too; he was my best friend Emily! You want to know something? Your brother felt like hell in that shit hole of a school. He was always upset and said that he missed you more than I could ever imagine. When he felt lonely he would talk about you non-stop. About your likes and dislikes, your favourite things to do. And most importantly that no-one knew who the real you was, except for him. That’s how I know you and that you are a good person deep inside. But right now Emily, you’re acting like a total bitch."  Jason had tears running down his cheeks has he walked out of the room. I heard him walk up the stairs and slam the spare-bedroom door.

***

My nightmare was something different for a change. I was walking down a long hall way. A hallway that seemed to not have an end.  I ran my hands along the old, cracked wallpaper. Every step I took made the wooden floorboards creak. The lights were flickering on and off giving the room an eerie essence. I heard doors creaking and the wind whistling through the crakes in the wall. I heard a door slam and the lights turned off. But this time they didn’t turn back on. I stopped walking and pushed myself against the wall. My breathing becoming more rapid. The lights turned on but I wasn’t alone. Somebody was standing right in front of me. I screamed and tried to move away from the person. I looked up to see who it was. "Jessie?" it looked like my brother but something about him confused me. He looked straight through me as if I wasn’t even there. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall. "This is all your fault Emily, you killed me! I hate you for that I will never forgive you. I suffered because of you and now I'm going to make you suffer like you did me!" Jessie screamed right into my face. My body started to tremble with fear.  The lights flickered off again leaving me and Jessie in the dark. Jessie let out a loud laugh. It was evil nothing like the Jessie I knew. When the lights flicked back on the Jessie that was standing in front of me scared me so much that I thought I was going to faint. My hands were shaking, beads of sweat were falling off of my forehead and my stomach was churning. Jessie had a massive scrape that went from the right of his forehead all the way down to the left of his cheek. He had small grazes all over his face that were surrounded by black bruises. His eyes were jet black. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. When he opened them I saw that he was crying. He was crying tears of blood. The blood started to come out faster taking the effect of him crying, tears away. He grinned at me and pulled his hand out from behind his back, pulling a big kitchen knife with him. He looked right into my eyes and then stabbed it right into my shoulder.

***

The loud rain, pattering on the house roof woke me up. The dream came back in a big wave. Did Jessie really hate me? Did he want me to die suffering? I needed to feel close to him again, I needed to know that Jessie did once love me. I pushed myself out of bed and turned to look at my clock. It was two am. I turned towards the door and walked out of my room. I started towards another room. A room that hadn't been entered since the crash.

 Jessie's room.

 I leant my face against the door and slowly pushed it open. It was exactly the same. His room hadn't changed a bit. I could practically smell him. I closed the door quietly and then walked over to his bed. I could feel him here, I could feel his love radiating off all of the walls. I leant over to the other side of the bed and turned on his bed light lamp. I walked over to his drawers and looked at the photos. All of the pictures were of us. There was one of me holding him as a little baby with a giant smile on my face.  That’s when I realised that Jessie may be dead but his memories still linger with us. As long as we are alive there will always be a part of Jessie still living. I dived onto Jessie bed and took a giant sniff. I pushed myself into his mattress trying to feel closer to him then I already was. 

Once more I looked around Jessie's room. You could tell what kind of person Jessie was by the look of his room. I closed my eyes and listened, hoping to hear some sign that Jessie was still with me. I heard a door opening. I quickly leant over to turn the lamp off and held my breath. The footsteps were getting closer and closer to Jessie's room.  The door slowly opened and I saw a tall masculine figure step inside. The figure closed the door quietly and sat on the floor.  I could tell it was Jason, fury enveloped every inch of my body.

I flew Jessie's blanket on the floor and reached to turn the lamp back on. "Shit Emily, you scared the hell out of me," Jason's eyes were wide with shock.  "What are you doing in here?" I asked with venom in my voice. "I couldn’t sleep, I assume you were having the same problem," Jason had a sly smile on his face.

"Don’t assume anything asshole, how dare you think you have the right to come into my brothers room!"  Jason's face turned stone cold.  He stood up and sauntered over to me.  "What's your problem Emily? I have done absolutely nothing wrong to you!"   I pushed him away from me, he grabbed my arm and looked at the long cut along my wrist. "You want to know what my problem is! I lost my fucking Brother and it is all my fault. And now my shit head of a mother is replacing him with a guy like you. I hope she wakes up and realises you will never be able to replace Jessie. He was twice the man you will ever be. “I paused for a second and then added, "Why are you even staying here? You probably have a nice family why don’t you go running back to them."

 "Your mother isn't trying to replace Jessie, Emily. She's grieving and she had no one to turn to. If you really need to know I don't have a family. I lived with my grandma until she passed away. I've been staying at the school ever since. Your mum knows this so she gave me a place to stay... Here." Jessie turned around to walk off but turned back and said, "You better get used to me because this is my home now Emily. Even if you like it or not," he walked out the door and I heard his bed room door shut.

 I didn’t expect any of that.  I stood there staring at the empty space where Jason was standing a mere second ago. My stomach clenched, guilt washed over me and enveloped my body.  I closed my eyes as the tears started rolling down my red cheeks, and this time it was for Jason.

hey :) i havent updated in ages :/ ive been busy with school and such!! any way tell me what you think of this chapter vote and please comment, it means a lot to me! and tell me the truth haha. hope your enjoying the story so far 

thanks xo