Forever Gone ~ON HOLD~

Confusion

"HELP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Help my brother, he's dying…" I had the same dream every single night. It always started the same way and ended the same.  You'd think that I would get used to the nightmares, but I didn’t.  The dreams of my brother’s death was so close to the actual event that I would get confused with what was reality and what wasn't.

"Emily," Jessie whispered, I looked over at him in complete shock. "Emily," I heard him whisper again, but Jessie wasn’t moving. He wasn’t the one speaking.

I felt someone shake me and my eyes flew open. My feet were tangled up in my sheets and my body was covered in sweat. I grabbed onto the edges of my bed holding onto the scream that was threatening to escape. I looked over to who woke me.

Jason.

He was standing right in front of me. His eyes full of worry. Jason sat on my bed and brushed the hair out of my face. "It was just a dream Emily, its ok", Jason said to me.  It looked like his green eyes were starring right into my soul. I looked away from his intense stair and pulled my tangled blanket up to my chin. I wanted Jason to go away. I didn’t want anyone here. No one liked me or trusted me anymore, so Jason didn’t have to pretend to feel sorry for me. It was obvious that mum had gotten under his skin, for all I knew she could have told him to make sure I suffered for Jessie's death.

"Go away," I said turning my back to him. I felt his weight shift on my bed but he didn’t leave.

"Please just leave Jason,"

"Emily, you shouldn't be alone. You just lost you brother you should have at least one person here to comfort you," before I could interject and tell him to leave again he quickly said, "I don’t know why your mother hates you so much, and frankly I don’t care. I want to help you Emily, so then you will at least know that there is one person that cares for you." Jason's speech seemed too well rehearsed and I nearly fell for his charm. Warm tears escaped and I pushed my face into my pillow so he couldn’t see.

I was on the verge of yelling at him to get the hell out of room, but before I could say anything Jason stood up and left.  Leaving me and my pain to suffer by ourselves.

I kicked off my blankets, but stayed lying on my bed feeling vulnerable and scared. There was no way I was going to fall asleep again tonight, first because of the nightmare and also because of what Jason said to me. Mum would be on the verge of spilling the beans to Jason., so I knew I wouldn't have to worry about him hurting me.

The room felt like it was closing in on me and I started to feel claustrophobic. I rolled myself out of my bed, and pushed myself up onto my hands and knees. I sucked in a deep breath, but it gave me no relief. I crawled over to my drawer and pulled out a woollen jumper. I pulled it over my head and carefully started crawling over to my door. I slid my hand up the wooden surface and found the door handle. Every move I made took so much effort, I felt like the walls were closing in on me, trapping me.

As soon as the door opened I lifted myself up and ran.  I took the stairs two at a time and turned the corner to the front door. I all but ripped the door open and ran out onto the porch. My feet stopped just before I stepped out into the pouring rain. The fresh air made me feel less isolated, but I still felt like a dog being shoved into a tiny pen.

I wanted to feel free, with nothing to hold me back. There was nothing more that I wanted to do then run. To run away as far as possible and never come back. But that would have put me into a more vulnerable spot than I already was.

The sound of footsteps walking down the stairs was what gave me the courage to run. I jumped down the stairs and ran as fast as I could down my street. My hair flew in the wind and soon became soaking wet. I was freezing, I swear if I hadn't been so exhilarated from running I probably would have died from hypothermia. People always told me to not run away from your problems and fears, but this felt good. It felt like I was free, with no problems in the world.