Cold Blooded

33. ⚔️

"I will always protect you."

Mateo's assuring words replayed in my mind, yet he lied.

Together or not...

As I took a shower I roughly scrubbed myself with the loofah.

I felt dirty.

I am dirty.

And no matter how I try and wash it away the dirt will never disappear.

Tears fell down my cheeks, absorbed and camouflaged with the shower water.

When I thought I found someone to comfort me, it dreadfully was a lie.

I stepped out of the shower, the soap burned my bruises, I bit my lip.

I couldn't live like this anymore. It's as if I'm toxic, many things that I once had trickles away from me. I've been debating for a while, if life was the answer to my problems,

Or if death was.

Vivid flashbacks of last night will always stay inside of my mind, and will always cross it unless I prevent it myself...

My mother would have comforted me and not leave my side as well as my brother. Yet my mother was so caught up on her job and boyfriend, and I'm "too crazy" for Marcel to be around me.

I have nobody.

And it's like I'll catch everyone's attention when I'm not here anymore.

In this cruel world, full of these hell risen creatures.

I held the knife towards my stomach, my damp curls fell over my eyes.

Until I've done it.

I let out a cry, the agonizing pain overwhelmed me. I added more force, despite the uneasy feeling that had risen down to my toes up to my chest.

Father, and farther, the knife slowly made space in my stomach.

I collapsed, letting go of the countertop which gave me my only support.

I couldn't bare the pain, yet it felt as if I for some reason experienced the immense agony before.

I heard the piercing ring in my ears, as I waited. Slowly slipping in and out of consciousness.

The voices, the noise, the paranormal feeling.

I knew that he was here.