Worthwhile

iii.

Ely;

I fear nothingness but I embrace death with gladness. Some call it a paradox of belief, a tragedy, and the very familiar stigma of insanity. Maybe. What I am certain of is how I simply want peace that my sick brain can't offer.

In the last couple of months, my nights had been longer and were spent sleepless in the confines of my room. Though with it being small, it felt as though I was staring and floating in an infinite and consuming space of darkness. There was nothing except Death's incessant visit, clawing its way through my head in rhythm with my throbbing pulse and heavy breathing.

Searching for answers, I opted not to to take any sleeping pills, and last week I finally got one. There was no going back.

Helping myself up on the ledge, I was taken by surprise when I heard the door slammed shut behind. It was as though my heart leaped off the building before me, air was sucked out of my lungs; for a moment I forgot to breathe as my anxiety welled up.

The last thing I want is for someone to mess up the plan that took all courage there is to act upon. I pursed my lips in frustration and turned to where the trouble was coming from.

"Fuck!" I could only drop a curse when I confirmed my suspicion. I was caught off guard, found out by an impertinent girl all in white.

"I'm going to throw my life away so I don't think keeping my celibacy matters." The only source of light we have was the faint glow of the moon in the cloudless sky hanging over us, but her cold eyes meeting levelly with mine were too obvious to dismiss. "Must be your lucky night. Make it quick though, I don't have much time." She said dryly.

I tried to look for any trace of humor on her concave face but there was nothing except for a few strands of mussy hair and sweat dripping off. Her white mini-dress revealed her flimsy arms, jutting collarbones and spindly legs that appeared to give out anytime. She's like an existing hollow vessel merely layered with brown skin. This girl has it worse than me.

"You can use your hands, you know." I snapped from my thoughts when I heard her speak again.

"What do you mean?" I croaked. I seemed to have wavered on my resolve to hate on the intruder in front of me.

She sighed aloud, disappointment drifted in the air. "You looked like you were stripping me naked with the way you stare after you dropped the f-word." She deadpanned. "On the plus side, you're cute but on the down side, you're slow."

This girl is too brazen to be flirting with me so I assumed she's just speaking what's on her mind. "I didn't mean it like that!" I blurted defensively.

"Must I spell out sarcasm for you?" She said rolling her eyes. "God, you really are slow. It's probably why you haven't jumped yet."

I was dumbstruck at her words. How can she be so casual about suicide? I always thought I was crazy but this girl is a psycho! With the help of my other leg that has yet left the rooftop's floor, I climbed down from the ledge to face her. "What are you doing here?" I said neutrally, ignoring her rudeness.

"Same reason with yours."

"You can't!" It was ridiculous of me to tell her off when it's what I'm going to do anyway. But the words escaped from my lips before I could get a hold of myself. And honestly, I couldn't bring myself to watch her bidding for her own damnation.

She gave me a lopsided grin and sauntered straight to where the ledge is. "Why not? Misery loves company."

I clenched my jaw and breathed out. This girl needs help and it may ruin my plan for tonight, I decided to at least try. Afraid that she'll already jump off, I was about to take action when she turned to me.

"Can you lend me a hand?" She asked in low tone.

I knitted my brows in confusion until I realized what she meant by it. I cracked up. Apparently, her short stance isn't enough to drag herself up on the ledge. I thought she was lost in deep thought when she was staring at the hard cement in front of her.

With our impending death, I am laughing my ass off. Could this night get crazier?

"Sorry." I said, composing myself. She wasn't happy with it but she remained impassive. "We'll probably wind up dead by the time the sun comes up without nobody knowing the truth behind. Can we at least tell each other why?" I offered, hoping against all odds that she'll respond positively.

"Why should I bother?"

I knew she was difficult so not knowing how else to convince her, I told her the truth. "I want to be understood for once...even just for tonight."

She looked at me and for a brief moment. I saw how her eyes that's as black as the night softened up before they got drowned in sadness once again. She gave me a shrug and I took it as my cue.

I honestly don't know if I can talk her out of it. I'll leave it all to the rarest chance of things working out my way tonight. Whatever happens, I know I tried.

"Braeden Eleandre." I held out a hand, introducing myself. "Though, you can call me Ely. So..." I paused midsentence, letting the word linger for a bit.

"What's your story?"

——

❝Our world is so callous and cold,
empty and lost
I'll bleed for you, to change it all,
I'll die for you to save us all
This could be our only chance
This could be our only hope❞
- Alesana

(6.11.17 // 3:10 pm)