Take It Back, My Friend (Ronnie Radke)

The Past

Countless nights were spent, glass of wine in hand, sitting on my couch staring into space thinking of Ronnie. I would be lying to everyone if I said I didn't keep up with him and what he was doing. 

To start from the beginning, my name is Sophie and I was born and raised in Las Vegas. I grew up next to my best friend, Ronald Radke. We were best friends from the moment I shoved him down in our front yard when his father was meeting my mother when we were both 2 years old. 

Growing up he was the wild child and I was the tame one. Around junior high I started to get bullied for being shy and 'weird' and Ronnie was always there to tell my bullies off. We got in with a wild crowd in high school and we all started partying. That's where the landslid begins.

In the 10th grade we all smoked the ganja, myself included. Ronnie and a few others started to get into a lot harder drugs though. It was the norm for everyone back then. I regret not trying to stop the abuse back then. 

Even through all the haze though, Ronnie stayed by my side and I by his. We told each other everything and did almost everything together. His friends were mine and my friends were his. It wasn't until about the summer between junior and senior year did things get sticky between us. By saying sticky, I mean feelings got involved. We never actually labeled anything but it was an unspoken agreement that we were together. Unfortunately for me Ronnie took it as an open relationship and it turned into a 'don't ask, don't tell' type of deal. 

We stayed together, if that's what you can even call that, all through his and Max's signing of their new band, Escape the Fate. Ronnie had everything a front man needed and I ate it up. When they finally made a name for themselves I was fully submerged in their lives. I went on tour and was a mix between being a roadie and their merch girl. I was more than happy with it. I loved being on the road with the guys. 

It was then that Ronnie's drug use became an issue. It was clear as day to everyone he had a problem. I can't even tell you how many nights ended with me crying to him while he sat there with a blank high as hell expression. I eventually started to hear the guys talking about kicking him out and I knew I couldn't stop the inevitable. The straw that really broke the camels back was the altercation in 2008 with Michael. I don't care what the press says or any of the lies people try to spew out about that whole situation. I was there and I saw with my own eyes what happened and like I said, I remember everything. After dealing with the cops and Ronnie's run away stunt, everything went downhill for both of us. 

Ronnie was sentenced to two years in prison. I still have nightmares about the day the judge spoke those words. My heart completely shattered that day. I knew there was no avoiding it but I was broken. I had lost my best friend and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Shortly after Ronnie being behind bars, I wrote and I even visited. The first thing he asked me when I went to visit was if I was still hanging with Max. I remember sitting there thinking it was an odd question. Of course I was still hanging with them. They were all my friends. The look in his eyes when I answered yes still burn in my mind. So much betrayal and heartbreak. He went on this huge rant about how it was all Max's fault and Max let him take the full blame and that he was a hypocrite and a lot of very nasty words were thrown around and by the end of the trip he somehow managed to spin it so it was my fault too. This is of course because I was still talking to Max. 

By the time I left he had told me to never speak to him again and that I was dead to him and I was no better than all of them. He then rubbed salt in the wound saying mean things about me and how he never loved me. I thought my heart couldn't break anymore but what was left was completely obliterated the moment I step foot out of that jail. That was the last time I saw Ronnie Radke in person. 

I regret what I did after that. First, I never visited Ronnie again. I should have ignored everything he said and still been there for him. Next, I completely cut Max and the rest of the guys out of my life. I was really immature in the sense that I blamed Max for how Ronnie thought of me. If I could go back I would have done things much different. Another immature thing I did was tell Craig Mabbitt to go fuck himself and that he wasn't half the man Ronnie was. I also made some nasty comments about Blessthefall. Still regret all of that to this day. 

So after moving back home I tried to get myself back on my feet. I ended up getting two jobs and saving enough money to get my own place. I'm not going to lie, my mom helped me out a lot. I hate bragging and I always try to work for everything I have but my mother makes a lot of money so she helped me a lot when I was just getting off. 

So here I am, 25 years old and on my own. I still am living in a nice condo in Vegas. I still follow both bands actually but I try not to let people know that. I work as an events coordinator for one of the Cirq shows and a bartender at one of the casinos on the strip at night. The bartending sometimes makes me more money than my actual job but money is money so I'm not complaining. 

My life completely changed the night I was working at the bar and I was making my way down my section of the bar when I came across a too familiar face. I remember I knocked over and shattered the glass that was sitting on the bar and I was completely frozen. I had never felt more sick and nervous and flustered in my life. The night Ronnie Radke entered my life after years of being dead.