Take It Back, My Friend (Ronnie Radke)

The Wait

So almost a month has passed since my accident. A very very long and stressful month. Between dealing with insurance and hospital bills and being out of work for as long as I was, I feel like I'm drowning. My stiches were taken out the side of my head but I still have this scar going down the side of my face but the doctors said they expected that and then recommended some BS scar removal cream but I had more important things to deal with. 

Ronnie and I still talked almost everyday but it wasn't enough for me. I needed him physically here. He could easily pull me above the water and lift my spirits with one smile. Sadly I knew there was nothing to be down about this so I continued to feel drowned and stressed. 

I started working again this week and even asked for extra shifts to make up for the lost money. If that car crash wasn't going to kill me than work sure as hell would. 

I did what I said I would a month ago and I dug up all the old photos that both my mom and I had from the past. I had decided to try and hang a lot of them up but I barely had time to breathe with work now, let alone play arts and crafts. But I had picked all the ones I adored and set them aside for whenever I had time. 

If I wasn't calling insurance or the car dealership in between shifts, I was googling Ronnie and his tour. He recently told me they were going to be filming a new music video for The Drug In Me and Ronnie surprised the hell out of me by asking if I wanted to be in it. I was absolutely shocked and everyone was more shocked that I had turned it down. I did not feel comfortable doing it because of where my life was at right now and to be honest the way Ronnie explained what the music video entailed sounded too much like the past. Which I guess that's what he was aiming for but really? Do I really want to be sitting in a court crying over Ronnie whil he gets sent away or some crap? No.

I knew I hurt his feelings when I said no but I explained to him that I was over the past and this was just too overwhelming and he said he understood but he still had hurt feelings. I tried to make it up to him but what could I really do over some crappy text or some fast phone call? 

This is why I knew this wouldn't work out. His scheduel was crazy and maybe the crash was a sign that I needed to focus on something else too. Like finding a real career or something. Maybe the universe was telling me he was too busy and I needed to buckle down. 

I kept my phone under the bar usually and during a dead time I unlocked it and answered a text from Ronnie asking how my shift was going. I told him it was a quiet night (or as quiet as it can be in Vegas) and that I was bored. I wasn't working with Dana since tonight was usually our night off but since I picked up extra shifts I was working with all sorts of new people. I was working the bar with a guy named Zach tonight. He was a funny guy with a hint of douchebag. He was personable as hell though which is a great quality to have when your life revolves around tips. 

I checked my phone again later and Ronnie asked what time I got off because he wanted to call. I told him I got off around 5 in the morning my time and he said he'd call then. Naturally he's like a vampire and never sleeps. How he functions on stage is beyond me. 

After my shift, Zach and I cleaned up and closed down. Not even five minutes after leaving my phone was ringing. 

"Good morning Ronnie." I answered. 

"How the hell do you work your hours? It's too fucking early." He complained.

"Actually in my job it's really late." I told him snickering. "Any particular reason you wanted to chat this early in the morning?" I put the emphasis on early. 

"Just wanted to talk to you." He said and I smiled. I knew it wasn't true but it still made me smile.

"Yeah, bullshit you wanted to talk at 5 in the morning. So what's up?" 

He laughed. "I've been thinking over the last few days," 

"Never a good thing." I told him and smiled at my own joke.

"Ha ha. You're funny." He said sarcastically. "As I was saying, I think you should come to a few shows."

I stopped walking. Was he serious? 

"Ronnie..."

"Oh come on Soph! You need some cheering up after the doom and gloom months you've had." He tried convincing me and I knew he wasn't going to let it go. 

"I can't. Do you know how much work I've missed recently and I'm so behind on bills and I'm still trying to deal with insurance and..." 

"Sophie! Just take a breather!" I sighed. "Look, I talked to your mom already which is how I know you're still upset and she said she would help."

"I don't need help. I just need to work."

"No, what you need is a break...and maybe get laid." 

I snorted. "Are you implying that I can't get laid?" 

"I never said such a thing. Although I'm very happy to hear that you haven't recently." I rolled my eyes.

"Glad my dry spell brings you happyness." 

"Sophie. Please. What are you waiting for?" 

I sighed again. I really couldn't afford to miss anymore work but the thought of going to Ronnie's shows made my heart flutter. 

"Maybe. I don't know. I'd have to think about it."

"Okay." I was genuinly surprised he didn't put up more of a fight. Did he not want me there that bad?