I found myself sitting in front of a fire with all my paper planes I made inside a box on my side. Tears keep on falling from my eyes. It's the second and the final month that he'll be away. I should be celebrating but I am not.
How can I celebrate when my heart is in pieces?
It's not about the loss of communication anymore. It's not about the rumors anymore. It's not about the distance anymore. It's not about the trust issues anymore.
It's about our breakup and it's about him having someone aside from me. The worst is he introduced her to his fans. He confirmed the rumors-one thing he didn't do when we were still together. It was true. He's currently dating a model. I thought dating the only one I've ever dreamed of will be a fairytale... always having the finale with a one great kiss and a promise of happily ever after. But I was wrong, completely wrong. Dating an idol is not like Cinderella dating Prince Charming. It's never like that.
And I am left with these paper planes. It is hard for me to explain how I feel. How can you still even think of words and metaphors to describe the pain You're feeling? How can you still play words when heartache struck you? I wonder how writers do that. I wonder how come they know what words they'll use to describe something indescribable.
Because I... I can never put my pains in words nor transfer them on paper, As I have said, I'm a treasure chest full of pains and agonies. I'm an empty vessel floating in a sea if melancholy. I'm just... this.
I started to pick up few papers that I made from the box. I tossed them in the fire and I watched them burn. I wish my feelings are like those paper planes I am burning right now. I wish I can burn my feelings down so they don't come back anymore. I wish to become a paper plane. But then I realized the paper plane is my metaphor. We're almost alike. One day I was free floating together with the clouds and I feel like they want to adopt me. Then one day I fell from the skies without saying goodbye to the friendly clouds I have encountered. I fell, I got crumbled and I was destroyed.
I am a paper plane. Given the chance to fly and enjoy the good things in life but always destined to fall. I wish I can have someone who will pick me up and toss me again to be carried away by the winds. I wish to have someone who'll love something that's easy to be destroyed.
I threw the box in the fire and watched it turn into ashes. I hope there will come a time that he'll realize that his metaphor is the fire. The fire engulfing anything it'll touch leaving them with nothing. I'm not wishing him the worst but I just want him to know how badly he devastated my life. How badly I am hurt.
The paper plane can also be his metaphor. Every one of us can have the paper plane as his or her metaphor.
I found a paper plane near my feet. I picked it up and stared at it. I closed my eyes and I saw him but I pushed his image away. I held the paper plane tightly.
"Fly the longest you can. You are free now." Then I let him go.
Fin
