Knock Him Off His Feet

21. He's a Mess-Up-in-the-Making

In the cafeteria, all of us are sitting behind our signature lunch table, laughing at some thing that happened long ago. There's Pat, small, cute Pat, rapping her favorite verse of some song she was listening to last night, and then there's Alyssa, singing right along with her.

I never knew Alyssa was close friends with Arden and Ella. I only ever saw her in the hallways when we passed by each other.

But it doesn't matter. She's a friend of mine now, waving her long black braids in the air while she sings a sped-up verse of the infamous Fergalicious.

"You guys are insane," I say, rolling my eyes and picking at my lunch. I am in no way hungry, I have too much on my mind to eat anyways.

"Oh, come on D. Have a little fun!" Arden says, batting her lashes my way.

I l have to look up and gawk at her. Ever since that one time with Jacob, her head has been wandering somewhere in the clouds.

"Easy for you to say," I tease, wiggling my eyebrows.

She widens her eyes at me in embarrassment, silently signaling for me to shut up. I presume she hasn't told anyone about that night, which earns her a mischievous giggle from me.

Alyssa and Pat are now waving their hands in the air, slowly dancing to the tune of Waterfalls. I begin to blank out, focusing my eyes on the surface of the lunch table and freezing in my place. I even stop picking at my food, which is soggy nonetheless.

How could I have done what I did last night, kissing Xavier? Actually being nice to him? It's totally against my Do-Not-Be-Friends-With-Fuckboys Religion. Friends don't even do what I had done to Xavier, which is crossing the line a bunch.

I guess I couldn't help it, the way he looked made me feel so heartbroken, yet the smile he gave me yesterday was still that same old, evil smile.

I decide I'm not going to let him take over my thoughts again. I'm thinking about him at the most random of times. He has that appearance.

"Hey, you okay Delta?" Megan asks me, and I can feel her warm hand grab hold of mine. "What're you thinking?"

Instantly snapping out of it, I try to erase the inappropriate fantasies that have somehow popped inside my head. "What? Nothing—no. I'm okay," I say, mentally cursing my stupid stutter.

"You sure?" she asks, eyeing me suspiciously. "I've wanted to make plans with you, but you're always busy with something. Is everything alright?"

I appreciate her concern, but I really don't know how to be honest with her without breaking down and hysterically crying. All because I'm confused.

"I'm good. Just stressed," I say, which isn't entirely false. I trust Megan with my life, but there are some things I prefer to keep out of our conversations.

"Hey Lyss," Ella says, shaking her arm. "What's going on with the Winter Ball?"

Alyssa is the head of Student Council, in which she basically helps the staff organize crazy events and fundraisers around the school. Halloween had passed about a week ago, and we're basically keeping our heads held high for this year's upcoming holiday events.

Which basically sums up the Winter Ball. A dance right before the start of Christmas break, something some kids look forward to more than actual Homecoming.

"Next meeting we're discussing party themes," she says, wiggling her shoulders. Despite having a conversation with Ella, she still manages to groove along with Pat.

Pat's mouth is filled with chunks of a granola bar, and crumbs accidentally fly out as she loudly yells some undecipherable lyrics to a new song she's singing.