Everything is so dark.I wake up to find myself wrapped up in darkness,the only light in the entire room is the one moonlight from outside provides through the windows.I know who's room this is.It's mine.
God dammit,what am I doping back home.I hate this fucking place.As much as I hate it I lift myself slowly above my bed and sit up leaning against the headboard with my back.I'm soar and every inch of my body hurts so much as if there is poison inside beneath my skin.I knew this feeling,it's just that I earlier haven't gotten a chance to experience it in this kind of state.
Who knows what happened before I Got here,I miss being normal,well,sounds weird now that I say it,normal is the thing that I was about fourteen years ago when I was two and a baby.
I lift my head to look at the room of a teenager who once was here and I can not help but feel sorry for my life.I could've studied,I could have been more interested in the things around me,could've been in a band or a english major.
If only I wasn't too busy trying to destroy myself and everything there is to know about me.I don't remember anything,the only thing I do remember is Syn and how we found each other again,those amazing hands of his and those Lips that were on my skin that night at the club.What would I do if he was my boyfriend anyway? Sit at home,read books and wait for him while he is on tour fucking god knows how many girls and going out partying?
Why am I even thinking about this? He has this weird way of effecting me and i just can't fight it,not that I want to but even if I did I don't think I would be able to.
What pisses me off the most is that this room is a mess. It's pretty dark but I can see all the mess,there are clothes scattered on the carpet and mirror is pretty dirty and my makeup table is dirty and the covers on my bed look pretty messy,my closet is opened and everything is hanging out of it.I think I saw earrings and other jewelry on the floor.I slowly move off my bed trying to get comfortable with the throbbing headache that I feel at the moment.
I walk as slowly and carefully as I can.I lean against the white colored wooden door with my elbow and turn on the light and slowly open it.The white cold tiles and mirrored cabinets a big sink and a bathtub with a shower curtain.I step in front of the mirror holding onto the the sink,boy time to look myself in the eyes.Can I even do that? Let's find out.
I slowly lift my head up to meet my tired gaze in the mirror.That sick drugged stare it points at me back does nothing for me except I feel liquid coming onto my cheeks.My hair is a unbrushed mess and I don't even remember the last time I took a bath.I feel cold and dirty.My face looks different.It looks weak...and troubled,my mouth opened ajar.
My eyes the same blue untamed ocean as always only weaker and red around.
I turn around and move my shower curtain and lean down to the tap to let some warm water inside the bathtub,I put in the plugger to stop water from going away.
I slowly slide out of the dirty clothes that were on me not even paying attention to what I was wearing and putting it into a basket to wash it later.I sit on the edge of the bathtub and take a bathbomb that was sitting in the corner and throw it in.I close the tap and water stops running.I take a step and get inside it.I lay down with my knees up a little bit and my neck pressed against the edge of the bathtub.It feels so comforting.I sit there thinking about stuff.A lot of stuff.I don't even know what happened and how I got home,maybe everything was this big dream and I never met Gin. Tragedy.
He's so fun and exactly opposite of me.He says what he means. He's not scared of anything but I know so little of him like where is his family,how long did he live in New York,why did he move,why is he so normal after everything he does..so many things.I look up at the ceiling and close my eyes slowly lowering down so I'm laying in the bathtub to wet my hair and my face and then lift my head up.I take some shampoo and wash my hair.The sweet scent of rasberry fills the bathroom and when I finish I wrap a towel around my hair and my naked body.I then take a soap and wash my face in front of the sink and I brush my teeth when I'm done I get out feeling clean and a bit better.I turn on the light in my room and then walk over to my drawers getting my plain white panties and I walk over to my closet picking out a plain white T-shirt.I turn around to look around my room and I suddenly have an enormous urge to clean my room.That's what OCD feels like.You just wanna do things until they are immaculate and perfect.I start from the hanger that's beside my door and take everything off of it and then fold it neet and put inside my closet all my coats and jackets.I scatter all the clothes off the floor and see what's dirty and what's not and fold the clean clothes and throw the dirty clothes into a basket to wash later on.When there is no clothes left on the floor I get to my makeup table and mirror I wipe it and collect all my make up into a make up bag and my jewelry into a box.I turn around and air out my covers and clean my bed and then fold them neetly.I open the balcony door to air out my room and then walk over to my bathroom to brush my hair.I will just air dry it.I get some perfume and put it behind my ears and my neck.Then I find some sweatpants and put them on and then turn around to look at my room.No mess,everything is cleaned.I open my door and get down the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen. I'm hungry.
I grab an apple off the kitchen table and bite into it while opening the fridge.
"There's some steaks and gnocchi in the oven,and you have some greens and salad in fridge if you want it."
Speaks a loud raspy voice behind me in the living room scaring me so my chest shakes with fear.I didn't notice Matt was there.I'm not even bothered to turn around.
I don't feel like talking to him.I open the oven and take a plate with two steaks, toast and cheese gnocchi,I grab a cabbage salad from fridge and put it on my plate.I grab the plate and start walking away from the kitchen and up the stairs when I come to the door of my room I stop hearing a familiar voice speaking too.
"She won't talk to me,I knew it." Matt said.
"C'mon man,we all know how this works,she just got a boyfriend she's not a different person,she's just mad and it's gonna take some time for her to you know,come back home and be normal again.Like you didn't know that a pretty quite girl won't go to party and become wild once in her life."
It was Syn.I got closer to the stairs struggling to hear them over the tv noise.
"I know but it's just,the things she said to me.Im hurt man,I didn't know that she was I don't know,what she was.I'm supposed to know stuff like that, I'm her brother.It doesn't matter if she got a boyfriend,what matters is that she didn't talk to me,didn't tell me how she feels or what she thinks about or how is she,dude she got high on her medication and I didn't even fucking know.We live together!Why didn't I ever notice just how.." Matt stopped lost for words.
"How fucked up she is?" Syn spoke.
I felt..shook at their words but only because it was the truth I couldn't admit to myself but when they say it,feels different.
"Happens to the best of us,man."
YOU ARE READING
Saving YOU (Synyster Gates lovestory)
RomanceLife is a struggle and everyone knows that,of course sometimes we just have to cope with it and move on from the things in our past that haunt us each and every day.This book is about teenagers and teenage emotions and of course,life as we know it.T...
