The Ghost

Chapter 7 - A Void in the World

Marian sat near the fire, in disbelief. She had been away from the camp for a good part of a day and a whole night, and nobody even noticed!
When she had come back, Robin had welcomed her with a kiss, smiling and not even a little worried.
"Have you been in the forest for a walk?"
Then he had yawned, tired, because they had been at the castle for the whole night, running from the sheriff's guards after robbing him.
Marian had been too shocked to retort that she hadn't been out for a walk, and she had just watched him going to one of the bunks to sleep.
What if I were in danger? What if I needed your help? Your comfort?
Marian looked at the outlaws, all sleeping just like Robin, united in that too.
They were a family, parts of the same thing, and Marian felt that she couldn't really fit.
She felt terribly alone and once more she wished that she could be back at home, with her father.

The following days passed, boring and uneventful, and Marian tried her best to become a real member of the gang, but she always ended up helping Much in the kitchen or mending torn clothes or damaged weapons. It was as if Robin didn't trust her skill as a fighter, as if after what had happened with Carter, he considered her like a reckless child not to be trusted with a weapon.
She was aware that she had been reckless that time, but then again Robin always risked his life, often just to show-off, and nobody ever complained.
Marian sighed, fighting back the tears that prickled her eyes. She didn't want to cry, to show the others how sad and vulnerable she felt, to let them see how much she missed her father.
Everyone of the outlaws had lost someone who was very dear to them, but they didn't weep, they were strong and they went on without lingering on the past. She was ashamed to show them her sorrow, as if it was a confirmation that she wasn't good enough for the gang.
A sudden commotion averted her from those sad thoughts, and she saw Robin and Will coming back to the camp accompanied by a crippled man, a young messenger with only one leg.
Robin looked very excited, and the outlaws gathered around him.
"Who's that man, Robin?" Little John asked.
"He's Laurence McLellan, a messenger from the King! He took a big risk: he went to Locksley and asked for the master of the manor, thinking that it still belonged to me. Luckily Gisborne wasn't at home, and we were able to take him to the forest before the guards could notice him."
"Where is Gu...Gisborne?" Marian asked, a little worried to hear that he hadn't gone back to Locksley yet.
Robin glanced at her for a moment, a little surprised, then he shrugged.
"I don't know, and I don't really care. Thornton said that he got a message from him saying that he had fallen ill, and to cancel the celebration expected for his birthday, but Gisborne isn't important now. Look! This is a message from the King!"
He went on talking about the message and of a special pigeon that could take another message to the King in just a few days, but Marian wasn't listening anymore.
Her thoughts wandered to Guy, and she hoped that he was feeling better, then she realized the meaning of Robin's words.
Celebration for his birthday? Is it Guy's birthday today?
She wondered if he was still ill and what he was going to do on that day if he wasn't back to Locksley.
She glanced at the outlaws: they were all excited by the King's message, and they were deciding what answer they should send to the King. Suddenly, Marian found the air of the camp too oppressing, she felt jealous of the King, and for once she found herself hating him.
He went to the Holy Land to fight a war, leaving the country in trouble, and still he sent orders and dictated Robin's life with his requests!
She blushed, ashamed of her own thoughts.
This is betrayal! He's the King: when he comes back everything will be fine.
She went closer to Robin, trying to join the general excitement, but she couldn't put her heart in it.
Then the outlaws got ready to go out of the camp and Marian moved to follow them, but Robin stopped her.
"It would be safer if you stay here."
"Where are you going?"
"We'll set the pigeon free with the message to King Richard, but we'll take him far from here so it can't be intercepted by the guards of the sheriff, and then, on our way back, we are going to ambush the convoy from the castle, taking the money of the taxes that Vaisey is sending to London."
"I want to help you!" Marian said, but Robin shook his head.
"No, Marian. It will be dangerous, I have to focus on the ambush, I couldn't protect you."
The girl was about to say that she didn't need to be protected, that she had been the Nightwatchman for years and she could fight like each of his men and maybe even better, but she kept silent.
She knew that Robin wouldn't listen, that he'd keep seeing her like a weak maiden who needed protection.
"Very well," she said with a sigh, "I guess I'll go to see Matilda, then."
Robin frowned.
"Are you unwell?"
"No, but she always needs help to pick her herbs, to dry and to store them. When you were away in the Holy Land, I often helped her, and she gave me the remedies for the poor."
Robin nodded, and Marian could see that he was relieved for her choice. She felt saddened, because it was even too clear that his attention was all for the King, now. Maybe she was being childish, but she would have wanted to be comforted, to feel the most important person in the world for him.