i guess it only took seven. seven letters that you'll never read. i'll never be able to be the reason for your smile anymore, and sammie will never be able to play endless board games with you whenever she wants.
your family is absolutely a wreck. they haven't contacted me much, but i do go to the house from time to time to check up on them. they just started going through your part of the bedroom.
it's been five days since it was confirmed that you were never coming back. let's just say, i went through lots and lots of boxes of tissues. and lots of mascara.
there's more stuff taped to your locker, flowers, cards, notes that neither grayson nor i have the guts to read yet. we decided that we'll do that together. cameron decided she doesn't want to. i get looks and apologies of pity in school, and so does gray. we don't say anything back.
today, i'm going with him to clean out your locker. it's a friday night, and everyone's going to the football game. the one that you should be playing in right now. your brother had a basketball game last night, and we won of course. you should've seen it. that was the first genuine smile i'd seen on him in months. and there probably won't be many more for a long time. i'm crying right now while writing this. i've probably said that for every letter now.
your funeral is in a couple of days, and my dad wants to go with me. pay his respects i suppose. i just feel...numb right now. like i don't want to get out of bed, i don't want to eat, and every time i go to sleep, i dream about you. some are good, others are not so good.
i haven't been able to get the image of you laying unconscious in the bathroom out of my head. it haunts me all the time now. part of me wonders what will happen to these letters now. i don't know if i'll keep them or ask them to put it with your things.
i love you, and until i see you again
-elise
"i'll take his books back to the classes." grayson says when we're cleaning out ethan's locker. most of the people have dispersed from school, but some are still here for after school tutoring and activities, and all of the teachers are here.
"o-okay. i'll uhh...um-"
"if you could get all of his notebooks and pencils together, that'd be awesome." he tries to give me a reassuring smile before walking down the hall, textbooks in hand.
i did as asked, and i now realized how clean ethan kept his locker. he had a specific place for everything, and he liked it that way. i smile at the thought, hearing a couple people walk by, whispering.
i ignore it.
when gray comes back, his eyes are rimmed red. how long was he gone? my expression softens and i take him in my arms, my back against the lockers. he cries into my shirt, making the fabric wet.
"it's okay." i say in his ear.
and that's the last thing i remember before trying to overdose that night.
♡♡♡♡
last chapter ;)
