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Anonymous

**Trigger warning for anyone with depression or suicidal thoughts**

I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, although I believe I have ADHD and I'm being tested sometime this year. There's no particular reason why I'm depressed, it's more just life in general. Plus both of my parents were depressed, which made me a lot more likely to get it.

But last year — around May — I started feeling way too depressed to be considered normal (at this time nobody knew I was depressed.) I never told anyone my thoughts or feelings as I thought that people wouldn't understand, so I kept them all in. But in May, it became too much. I decided I had to do something. I decided to commit suicide.

The morning after, after my dad had left for work, I looked up how much ibuprofen it would take to kill you. It said something around 200 tablets, but we didn't have that many, so I just started taking as much medicine as I could. I took every type we had in our medicine. Then I went downstairs, somewhat delirious from all the drugs, and grabbed a knife. I wanted to try and slit my wrists, although I was scared of blood. I pushed down into my skin as hard as I allowed myself to, but only barely managed to actually break the surface. I almost cried just at that tiny amount of blood. I knew at that moment I didn't want to die, but it was too late. So I just continued to cut. Then I hurriedly scrawled out a suicide note and that's all I can remember.

That afternoon I woke up in the hospital, having a lot more scars than I remembered making and a huge gash on my forehead. At the hospital, I finally told people my feelings and am now getting the help I desperately needed but was too scared to ask for.

I guess the moral is never try and kill yourself. It's not worth it, and you'll regret it. I personally think about it every day, wishing I could go back and stop myself from doing that. But no matter what, someone will understand. You can get help. As long as you actually tell someone.