It's been 4 weeks. And I'm still not over it. They hurt me in the worst possible way, but I still love them. Here's what happened.
Three years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl out on our first date. I had it all planned. Beautiful candlelit dinner, walk her home, kiss her goodnight and call her later. It didn't exactly work out like that but nonetheless, we were together and exclusive.
At the local college we were in a lot of the same classes. We barely paid any attention to the lectures, but we were happy and that was the most important thing at that moment.
Tears stream down my face as I think about it. My best friend and I are very close. Even closer than I am with my girlfriend... Well, than I was with my ex girlfriend.
Three years later, she became distant. Always had something planned and she never had time for me.
I went out for a week with my family but the weather was not on our side so we cut the trip short and I went back to my apartment I shared with my girlfriend.
When I got to our room, I found my best friend in my bed. Naked. I was shocked. Why would he be in my room? And naked? I thought.
"Oh shit," he said under his breath. I saw the covers start moving and I prayed it wasn't what I thought. Her head poked out at the top also naked.
"What's it, Babe?" she asked.
"BABE?" I asked incredulously in a higher pitched voice. Her head snapped back. Her eyes locked with mine.
"Shit. Uh, Honey, it's not what it looks like." she said.
"Oh really?" I asked and sat down on our bed at the foot side. "Do share."
She swallowed and before she could speak, I jumped up and attacked my best friend. "Why didn't you stop her? You knew I loved her."
"She was very persuasive." He shrugged.
"Loved? As in past tense?" she asked.
I started laughing maniacally. "Persuasive? You've got to be kidding me." I ran a hand through my hair. "Get out."
"But Honey-" she started.
"I said GET OUT!!!" I screamed at her. "And you too." I pointed at my best friend.
"Buddy, it wasn't-" my best friend started.
"The hell it wasn't. You didn't stop her." He tried to say something else. "Just get out before I throw you out."
They were moving quick to collect their clothes. And they walked out the front door.
I pulled my girlfriend over. "You know, if I haven't told you this before, I'm telling you this now. You are the best girl I've ever met and I was planning on proposing soon. I had almost bought the ring. Almost asked your parents for their blessing." I ran my hand through my hair again. "Thank goodness I didn't. Please don't call and give me your key of the apartment back."
"But-" she said.
"Don't," I said, looking down, trying to cover my tear-filled eyes as I rubbed them with my thumb and index finger. "Don't make this any harder than it already is." I looked up with blood red eyes and tears streaming down my cheeks and lips and neck. "You broke me in the most beautiful way possible. Do you see that? You created a love that wasn't true and I fell for it." I looked up and tried to blink the tears away. "Gosh, I'm so gullible." I sniffed. "Just go. We're through."
And with that, I slammed the door shut, and leaned against it for support but soon after my legs gave way and I slumped against the door onto the floor and cried. I cried and I cried. I eventually cried myself to sleep.
I have been doing so for the past 4 weeks. It burns. It hurts. So, so much.
I also grew distant from my best friend. He tried, but I wasn't having it. He hurt me just as much as she did. No, worse. He hurt me more than she did. And I don't know if I'll ever get over what he did.
I know I'll find another to love, but I doubt I'll ever find another best friend who knew my deepest secrets and fears. Who knew who I was and who I wasn't. I doubt I'll ever love someone as much as I loved that guy.
And the thought bores into me more and more each and every day.
I feel useless. But hopefully ... Hopefully Mom and Dad hasn't written me off. Hopefully they'll take me back in the small town I come from. Hopefully I'll find someone there. Maybe not love, but hopefully a friend.
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