(140,000+ words) In the aftermath of war, Harry tries to pull his life back together. Guilty of all the blood on his hands, he seeks a way to deal with his grief.
He begins to write letters to the late Severus Snape, wishing he was able to reconcil...
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Dear Mr. Potter,
I cannot continue to sit back and let you do whatever you please. It is entirely inappropriate for you to write to a former professor this way, even if you do believe that he's dead.
I find your incessant rambling appalling, and I am sending you a formal request to discontinue your foolishness. I never cared about you when I was "alive," so what made you think that I would care about you when I was "dead"? I'm not dead, by the way, which should be painfully clear from this letter.
Yes, Potter, I am very much alive. I'm shocked that you haven't figured it out yet, actually. I must think too high of you.
You found the anti-venom, so that should have been your first clue. Of course I carried it on me at all times, and I am disgusted at the way you regarded me in your Howler. As a double agent, I was prepared for all situations, and you should not have doubted me. Your second clue should have been that they never found my body.
You're probably wondering where I've been, after all these months. It is doubtless you will send hundreds of letters asking questions about my whereabouts and situation, so I shall try to appease your curiosity in one letter, for my benefit.
I've been staying in an abandoned Malfoy estate in France, hiding from the Ministry. That's really all there is to it, Mr. Potter, so I expect no more questions on my whereabouts.
As for you "trying to clear my name" you must stop. You never took one minute to consider what I wanted, you simply thought of yourself. Your desire to save people will never disappear, but I request that you exert some self-discipline and focus on yourself. I do not need to be saved, nor do I wish to be. I couldn't care less about what people think about me. Focus your efforts elsewhere, instead of on me.
I will admit, I was curious as to why you were sending me letters at first, but I have now figured it out.
You seek closure. Closure to your guilt, to your sadness, to your anger. You feel guilty that I "died," and ever more guilty that you still hate me despite that fact.
I cannot give you what you want, Mr. Potter.
Please do not contact me any further.
Sincerely,
Severus Snape
*********
Harry stared at the letter in his hands in disbelief.
No, this couldn't be true. Snape was dead. He had not been sending his old Potion's profesor every detail of his life for the past 4 months.
Regardless of him sending letters to Snape or not, Harry was still mortified. If it wasn't Snape, someone was reading his letters.
