Words are Knives

Party

Mom asks why
I'm not making plans.
Plans to go to a party.
With my friends.
Don't you want to hang out?
Have fun?

Fun?
It's not fun to have fun when you don't want to have fun!

Of course.
The party is already here,
Inside.
My dearest Depression
Has invited all his friends
Anxiety, Insomnia.

The party balloons-
My deflated lungs,
The laughter pulled right out.
The disco ball-
My empty stomach,
Spraying pale pointless nothingness
At everyone and everything.

The speakers,
My heart.
And long after the dancers
Have fallen down dead,
That hellish tune
Keeps pounding.

Mom asks why I'm not making plans,
Going to a party.
I'm at a party already,
My party, one I would rather die
Than be at but I don't have
A choice.

It's not fun to have fun when you don't want to have fun.