Lean On Me (Yoonmin)

FOUR

"Suga hyung. Talk to me. What's going on?"

Yoongi leaned forward and squinted through the bright light at the two Jimins kneeling on the floor in front of him. He wished they'd stop swaying about all over the place.

"Which one?" he slurred.

"What?"

"Which one's my Chim? Stay... stay still a minute."

Jimin frowned at his hyung. "How much have you had to drink, hyung?"

Yoongi leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes, though this did little to stop the room from spinning.

"Not... not drunk. Just one." He reopened an eye and tried to focus on Jimin. The younger male raised his eyebrows. "OK, maybe two. Maybe more." he drunkenly giggled.

Jimin sighed and got up, sitting next to Yoongi on the bed.

"Hyung, I know you're in a bad place right now. I know you've got a lot on your mind. And I know you probably won't remember any of this in the morning. But please, talk to me. Please, if you need help just ask. We all care about you, you need to stop shutting yourself off from us all th-"

"Shhhhhhhh..." Yoongi cooed, placing a finger on Jimin's soft lips. He liked the feel of them against his skin. "You talk to much". He was tired and the pillow was calling his name. "Hyung needs... to sleep."

He sunk his head into the soft pillows of Hoseok's bed and curled himself into a ball. "Sorry Jimin."

"What for?" Jimin asked, gently stroking the raven hair of the older male.

"You worry... 's'my fault." Yoongi yawned. He really wanted to sleep; just getting those few words out had taken extreme effort on his part. "Don't wanna hurt... my Chimchim." To be completely honest, he didn't really understand why he wasn't asleep yet. "Chim... too important." He whispered with closed eyes. Sleep was calling him. What was he talking about anyway? What had he even just said?

"It's my job to worry about you, hyung."

**********

A response came in the form of a loud snore.

Jimin looked down at the sleeping man, the touch of his fingertip still lingering on his lips. He looked so peaceful when he slept, like he was free from all of the horrors that plagued his mind when awake. Free from all the pain, his beauty really shone through. Jimin smiled sadly at his hyung as he tucked him in.

"Why won't you talk to us? Why won't you talk to me?"

He slowly lifted himself from the bed and, with one last soft gaze in his direction, left his sleeping hyung and climbed into his own bed, turning of the light en route. He rolled onto his side, facing the direction of Hoseok's bed. Having turned off the light he could only make out Yoongi's silhouette, but found himself unable to tear his gaze away. After hours of simply watching the rising and falling of his hyung's chest as he slept, Jimin eventually fell into a troubled sleep of his own.

**********

Oh my god my head.

Yoongi woke up feeling like his head was about to rip in two. Ugh... What happened last night?  Keeping his eyes tightly closed Yoongi thought hard to remember the previous night's events.

He remembered being in the studio with his laptop, alone as usual. He remembered his heart aching watching the performance he should have been a part of. He remembered fleeing the dorm, heading to the nearest liquor store and drinking until he didn't feel anymore; he'd needed to numb the pain somehow. Everything after that was all blank.

Yoongi slowly opened his eyes. The room was dark, it must still be night time. He reached for his phone and checked the time: it was 2:45pm. What? He fumbled for the switch of his bedside lamp but couldn't find it. Fuck where is it? Turning on the light on his phone, he squinted as his eyes tried to adjust and found the bedside table empty. What the-? He made his way over to the main light switch and turned it on. "What the-?" he wondered out loud. This room didn't belong to him. Why was he here? He looked around the empty room and recognised it as the room that Hoseok and Jimin shared.

Jimin.

He had seen Jimin last night. He couldn't remember when or where, but he was sure he'd been there at some point. But trying to remember made his head hurt, so Yoongi tried to brush the thought away and decided, after a quick freshen up in the bathroom, to look for some painkillers.

It turned out that Hoseok and Jimin did not keep any in their bathroom, so Yoongi decided to head back to his own room: he'd feel more comfortable there anyway. He creaked open the door an peered down the hall. Luckily he couldn't see anyone about; in fact, it sounded like the dorm might be empty. Even so, he quietly rushed to his room and closed the door behind him. Just as he was about to head to the bathroom he shared with Jin, he noticed a glint of white from his bed. As he approached it he saw that it was a handwritten note.

The sight of it made Yoongi feel nervous and uneasy, but he sat on the edge of his bed and began to read.

Yoongi hyung.

I don't know what you remember from last night. From the state you were in, I'd imagine not a lot.

But I remember. Namjoon hyung remembers. You were so drunk you could barely walk. You slept in Hobi hyung's bed because you couldn't even make it to your own room.

I'm not trying to scold you - you are an adult, you're my hyung, and I can't tell you what to do.

But please, Yoongi hyung, for your sake and for your members: this has to stop. I can't bare seeing you torment yourself.  Shutting yourself away from us, drinking yourself into such a state... I know you're hurting, but I'm hurting too. We all are.

All I'm asking is for you to talk to me. Just me. We're friends right? I'd trust you with my life hyung, so please, PLEASE trust me with your troubles and just talk to me.

Let me help you.

Jiminie xx

Yoongi  read the letter over and over, each time it hurting a little more. His cheeks were soon wet with tears and his shoulders began to tremble. Before he knew it, he was silently sobbing, his tears falling onto the piece of paper he held in his hands.

I know you're hurting, but I'm hurting too.

Deep down, Yoongi knew this. He knew his actions would be hurting his members, but it was like his brain wouldn't allow him to acknowledge it. It's not that he was selfish or self-centered - he simply couldn't think of anything outside of the all-consuming thoughts in his head, no matter how much he wanted to. It's like he was trapped in his own mind, unable to consider how anything affected anyone but himself. But deep down he knew. And it made him feel so much worse.

All I'm asking is for you to talk to me.

Yoongi wanted nothing more than to talk to someone. If he could get everything that was inside his mind out of it, maybe he would get better? Or at least back to what he considered normal. Aside from that, he simply missed talking to people. But whenever someone tried, his anxiety took hold and refused to allow him.

Let me help you.

Yoongi closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Let me help you.

He took out his phone and, quickly before he changed his mind, typed out a message and hit send.